Prepare for cheesiness and emoness!

Weeks after I watched Tokyo Marble Chocolate, I still wondered why I loved it so much. Despite having said my thoughts on the OAV in my review, I can’t help but think there’s got to be a deeper reason why it pierced through the depths of my heart. I wasn’t able to give this much thought, until Owen brought about the idea of a Personal TMC post for the ABC Valentine’s special, as we reflect on the show and how it relates to our personal lives.

It didn’t take me long to find out the answer to this from my TMC-loving heart. Let’s just say I was able to relate to both Yuudai and Chizuru, the stars of the show. Surprising as it may seem, I found myself being in both ends of the spectrum, though not in a romantic relationship setting. I’m a romance n00b like Eriko after all, though not as eccentric and lacking in common sense.

On Being Chizuru

I found myself being a Chizuru in the relationship I had with my father. As a little kid, I would constantly run to him, seeking attention and love, wanting to feel that fatherly warmth of affection. But sadly, all I remember is getting nothing else but scorn and a cold-shoulder treatment. The only time I “manage” to catch my father’s attention is when I misbehave, or when I don’t live up to the expected academic class standing (as much as possible, stay on top). Thanks to this twisted principle of traditional close-minded Chinese (applied to my grandma, and my father), that people shouldn’t be complimented or praised for what they do, since it’ll just make their head swell; instead, you just scold them for what they do wrong, and that’ll make them grow! yeah right.

Another sad thing about being raised in a rigid close-minded traditional [patriarchal] Chinese family is the principle of looking up to the father as this omnipotent being whose words and orders are absolute. Voice your complaints and you’ll be punished. Resistance is futile. Filial piety, as one might call it. It’s just not as amazing as it sounds like, if it’s all authority and no affection.

My father has become less strict and rigid as time went by, but still close-minded for the most part. And, the emotional damage to us has been done. As such, it’s to be expected that me and my siblings are not that close to our father. We found our share of fatherly love from our uncle *hugs uncle* And, having this faith that there’s an Almighty Father who loves you despite everything is a blessed assurance. In a way, you could say that’s the “Yuudai love” I got in return.

On Being Yuudai

It goes without saying that my not-so-happy childhood affected me a lot, especially how I looked at myself compared to other people. For some reason, traditional Chinese tend to overemphasize social (and academic) standings, and you constantly get compared with the rest of people for whatever “measures” of success. Given that, despite excelling in academics, I’d still feel inferior to other people, especially those who are pampered with love despite not being on the honor roll. One of the [shallow] things that constantly make me happy during these trying times is anime, but sadly, this over zealousness also affected my social interaction with my classmates.

Inferiority, mixed with the inherent inability to express my feelings in the family I grew up in, and being stereotyped as the “nerd otaku” of the class, resulted to this shell of isolation built around myself. I wallowed in self-pity, for years, and found myself unable to open up to other people. I turned out to be antisocial, as opposed to my super friendly self during my early pre-school and elementary years. Uttering the words “I love you” became so difficult, either because I found myself being cynical to love, or because of this inferiority toxic that made me feel as if I don’t deserve the love of another person.

It wasn’t until the college years that I found myself in the company of people who doesn’t simply see me as the “nerd geek”, but as the “Jenny” me. It was great that I’ve found a group of people with whom I share the same values and principles, despite the disparity of our interests Well of course I’m still the same old otaku, but things are different when people love you and accept you for what you are (Both POVs of TMC revolve around the theme of acceptance). If you’ve been a constant reader of my Shugo Chara posts, you’ll know I already tackled a bit of this issue in one of my shameful deep fryings.

When I started working, I met a diverse group of people, and though I had difficulties fitting in at first, Ouran High lifted up my spirits when I was down I managed to learn a lot from both good and bad experiences I had in my early months in the office. I’m thankful that our office is populated with warm and loving people, who became instrumental to making me warm-up to people again. Seleria, our hamster chef, is a close friend of mine, who has been instrumental to this Yuudai-esque change in me as well. Thanks to them, and also to the people who allowed me to grow in my spiritual life, I now became such a glomping loving rabbit.

The Complexities of the Chizuru x Yuudai Relationship

Reflecting on the relationship between Chizuru and Yuudai, I’d have to say their relationship, as well as their character was forged through the failures they’ve had in their love life. For quite a long time now, I’ve had this mentality that it’d be better to get into a romantic relationship with someone who has never had any ex-GFs, because it won’t have the same complexities as those with a history of past-relationships. Testimonies given by the people I know taught me however, that these complexities are what oftentimes make the people involved stronger. As people overcome the trials in the [past] relationship, they learn from the experiences, and hopefully, move on by carrying these learnings, shedding emotional “baggage” which I view as detrimental to the succeeding relationships (hang-ups, guilt, etc).

The depiction of the complexities in the Chizuru x Yuudai’s relationship is realistic, this coming from a person who’ve had her own share of these problems and frustrations, albeit not in the romantic setting. The only thing that’s missing to make it all real would be the origin background regarding how Yuudai’s cowardice and inability to express his feelings came about. To think that a “pathetic” guy like him could have that many women in his lives, is really unbelievable

Elaborating on the Additional Ingredient for the Perfect TMC Experience

I’ve mentioned in my earlier review(s) of this OAV that immersion is one of the deciding factors affecting one’s enjoyment of this show. Being able to relate to the characters, by having gone through similar experiences, especially in relationships, already provides this somewhat instant room for the immersion effect to take place. This in itself will already dismiss claims of people (cynical or not) regarding a show’s unrealism and absurdity.

It just so happens that the theme of acceptance throughout the show is what struck a chord with me, hence this post turned out to be an emo rant post, than a romantic one lol.

Closing Thoughts

Before I end this post, I just like to say… Valentine’s Day is Overrated. Who cares if you don’t have a BF/GF. Love comes in different forms, so treasure your friends on this special day (and every day for that matter). Ronery Day does not exist. EVER. While you wallow in your sorrow of not having a colorful love life, other people out there might be hungry for the genuine agape love instead.

*heres a bunny e-hug for the ronery person reading this post on a Valentine’s :P*

It makes me sad that people have desecrated the real meaning of Valentine’s, and even love, with this definition: Valentine’s Day => love => romantic love (eros) => sex. Oh well~ =/

Now that I think about it, I guess this turned out to be the “planned” post I mentioned about in my comment to Impz’s inspirational story last week, in a way.