Editorial
Beyond the Blogging Crossroad Part 2: Why I Blog
Moving on from where we left off, and on to the question of “Why do I blog?”.
Why I Blog
Before answering âWhy I Blogâ, I guess it would be but right to answer the question âWho am I (as an anime fan and as a person)?â first, in the hopes that the answer to the former question can be made clear as I answer the latter.
In an effort to give light to the question of âWho Am I?â, first let me delve into Who I Am Not (or the limitations Iâve realized about myself): Iâm not the most observant or perceptive person / anime fan out there, something weâve already established in the previous post, as I mentioned of my Osaka-esque / autistic tendencies (read: fail) from time to time. Iâm not the most opinionated person either. If you ask me what I think regarding a certain anime, manga or whatnot (especially those in the past that my passive self encountered), chances are, I wonât be able to give you a direct answer, or give a sincere answer, because more often than not, I donât know the answer myself. Ask me where I stand on a certain issue, well, Iâd probably give you a half-assed or pretentious reply, because Iâm usually apathetic, not unless Iâm really interested about the issue at hand. I can clearly see my pretentious comments afloat on the âsphere, and seeing them makes me feel like trolling myself -___-;
Eloquence (or articulateness) has never been my forte, even in my mother tongue (useless trivia for the day: itâs not Tagalog, itâs Bikol), which is why my relatives and close friends usually complain about not being able to understand what Iâm talking about half of the time -__-; I have difficulty expressing myself through words, how to convey what I want to say in a coherent manner that a normal person would understand. Donât count on me to narrate you the story of an anime/drama/movie I watched, unless youâre ready to brace yourself for a confusing ride.
Not to put myself down or anything, but I honestly think that my co-bloggers are far more articulate and eloquent than I am. Their anime tastes are far more mature than me too. Which is why I couldnât understand why the heck Iâm the one most passionate about blogging, when in fact, theyâre supposedly the more l33t and skilled ones?! Theyâre not as shameless as me, it seems. But I digress.
More than my ability to express, however, I think this has got something to do with, once again, my apathy when watching. If I never understood what the heck something is about, or not even the least bit interested in it, how the heck do you expect me to say anything [noteworthy] about it?! I know that the easiest answer to give when you are asked about something you donât understand is to be truthful and humble, and say, âSorry Iâm stupid, I didnât understand it / Sorry I couldnât be arsed to bother about it so I canât give you an answerâŠâ, but itâs not as simple for people with complicated / confused / egotistic minds. I mean, Iâve probably been convincing myself that I *understood* it even if I didnât (or interested in it even if I wasnât), and ended up torturing myself in the process [of FORCING myself to say something about it].
And this is what made it so difficult for me to provide âsummariesâ for the shows I was blogging before, why it took me daysss just to make my âsummary + thoughts episodic postsâ. Why did I resort to reading the Kaze no Stigma novel? To cover up for my inability to rely on nothing else but the anime (both in terms of understanding the Japanese dialogues, and the characters themselves). Why did I blog animes from a really narrow in-depth episodic perspective and not from a wider angle? Because, for the life of me, I couldnât.
Compare and contrast this to how I blogged KimiKiss and True Tears, which I wholeheartedly enjoyed, and blogged with much ease too. Why was blogging these two series feel like a breeze? Because I was inspired, simple as that. For KimiKiss, perhaps I *pushed* myself a bit to be interested in it, but I really found it riveting, no doubt about that. And with True Tears, Iâd say the series itself put words into my mouth. My improvement in English is evident in KimiKiss, as Seleria also told me (all I noticed was the ease I had in making the post), and being the lazy book reader that I was (and still am, for the most part), I found this to be an EPIC miraculous milestone.
If only I had this enlightenment way earlier, then I wouldnât have said silly things like âsaying goodbye to episodic bloggingâ, because honestly, if I feel inspired, what should keep me from doing so? Oh and my desire to âwrite editorialsâ is nothing else but silly pretentiousness, because honestly, in blogging, you donât âaim to write editorial postsâ. You write when you feel inspired, when you feel the need to share something, explore the depths of an anime, manga or whatever idea, voice out your opinions, and all that. Editorial or whatever, give that label after you make your post, or let the readers give those labels, you just write what you want.
It might seem silly that after what seemed to be previous moments of enlightenment, after all the comforting words from my dear readers, Iâve only come to grasp what it means by âwriting for myselfâ or âwriting what I wantâ at this late(r) stage in my blogging âcareerâ. Better late than never!
Err, that was quite a segue. So basically, after all the tl;dr stuff that I said, you might be wondering, why the heck am I blogging if I think of myself as made of nothing else but FAIL, right? Well, actually, apart from all the seemingly negative stuff I’ve said, one great thing that blogging has taught me (+real life experiences of course), aside from how I do not understand much about myself or animes is that I CAN *insert Gurren Lagann reference here* — I can understand animes if I wanted to, I can blog and blog well if I so desire and allow myself to be inspired by what I watch or do, I can learn how to express myself better, I can formulate my own opinions, and much much more. All I need to do is to be in touch with my inner self, humble myself and be aware of my ignorance, my strengths and limitations — so that I could know what to do to make myself better than who/what I am today. It all boils down to a choice. Do I want to be riveted by what I watch? If the answer is yes, then I will keep my senses wide awake to do just that. Do I want to understand why people enjoy this anime, and why Iâm not? If yes, then I shall seek the answer to that.
I have come to delight in knowing that I do not, weird as that sounds. Realizing that I do not know something becomes even more comforting, as I find it to be nothing else but an opportunity to learn and to grow; I have also come to delight in seeing opinions which vary from mine, because itâs from this conflict of ideas that I get to think, put what I believe in to the test, either to reaffirm it, or become enlightened to my errors, and ultimately, know the TRUTH. This is why I mentioned about delighting in âtrollingâ as of late, though instead of âtrollingâ, Iâd rather say itâs becoming a devilâs advocate or angelâs advocate. Now if someone does challenge my opinion and find the errors in it, Iâll humble myself enough to acknowledge that I have wronged (after much thought and deliberation with myself and other people).
Itâs not until this later stage of my life that I found myself being more opinionated about a lot of things (for the lack of a better word/phrase), and Iâm not sure if little Murasaki has anything to do with this, but I really think that something inside me *changed* after writing this post (about the memorable Kure-nai episode 3). It awakened my SENSE OF JUSTICE blood, so to speak, or should I say, it made me less passive and more assertive and opinionated.
So Why do I blog? I can probably state a lot of reasons but it all boils down to… I do it for myself, to get to know myself more (vis-a-vis getting to know other people, because I get to know more about myself when I got to know others). No, it’s not because I want to be famous, or because I want to get hits. At least not those reasons per se. I want to be read, no doubt about that, but more importantly, I want feedback, so as to be aware of what I’m doing right and wrong, areas I have to work on, etc — to grow, as a blogger, and as a person.
I love sharing bits about myself, because in sharing I find healing and enlightenment, and ultimately, fulfillment. And most of all, the fact that I’m still blogging means that the anime fan in me still hasn’t died, it’s BURNING MORE THAN EVAR 
For as long as I feel inspired to blog, I will remain in this ‘business’.
Afterword
Entering the world of [anime] blogging is one of the wisest decisions Iâve ever made (Iâve only come to realize this as of late); believe it or not, I found it to be life-changing. Youâve probably heard me babble about this for a number of times now, but I just have to continue stressing this because itâs exactly how I feel about blogging, not to mention how Iâm saying this with sincerity now more than ever.
Not once did I imagine myself liking writing (and reading?) and expressing myself the way I do now, being the repressed little kid that I was, who only got worse as she grew older (feel free to read this for additional âreferenceâ — POST WHORE ALERT). Shameful fact: All my graduation speeches and even this one essay I had to submit as part of university entrance requirements werenât composed by me, but rather my sister — that’s how much I abhorred writing / lacked confidence in expressing myself through writing / lazy to think/be inspired and write.
To make the long story short, let’s just say that the more I sought for enlightenment in blogging, the more I expressed myself despite my âconfusionâ (blogging identity crisis?), the more I got reconciled with my HONTOU no JIBUN, both in blogging and Real Life, and now Iâve become much more confident in asserting myself, in more ways than one.
Blogging was, and still is, an epic journey for me. I might have entered the blogging scene with the wrong mindset, but somewhere along the way I found it to be my very own soul-searching journey, in the same way Takemoto sought for enlightenment through an epic life-changing bike adventure, only in this case itâs blogging instead of a bike, but life-changing nonetheless.
Thank you for reading, and thank you for blogging!! Belated Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!! 
P.S. It might not be apparent, but Iâd like to think the following posts, which I read before and while writing this post, helped me in my quest for enlightenment:
Why I Blog
Looking ahead to 2009, and my new blog
âAnime isnât deep. Itâs just entertainment.â
Anime Blogging and Prosody: An Inappropriate Comparison
Since Time Immemorial – thoughts on the blogging tradition?
MDR TB: self-fulfilling prophecy
Getting to the bloody point of this blog
On understanding anime and each other: survival and domination
P.P.S. Can this be my â12 days of Christmasâ post, all in one go? LOL.
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22 comments for “Beyond the Blogging Crossroad Part 2: Why I Blog”
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My friend, the time has come for you to write your autobiography.
I’d like to do a post like this someday – mainly because I’m not too sure myself what the reasons are behind my blogging habit and writing a self-exposition should help me find that out. Right now I’m quite content with the fact that distilling my thoughts into articles and tossing them out into the blogosphere for the rest of humanity to read makes me happy.
Merry Christmas!
I’m always interested in the narrative of people’s growth, and the fact that you’re someone I know makes it even more so. I really enjoyed reading these posts of yours, and I’m looking forward to the posts in the future that reflect this growth of yours.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! Let’s get together soon with the other Filipino anibloggers okay?
preliminary comments (before I read the post): @Diego: seriously, waiting for someone to write an actual “digital-ish” memoir. Would be interesting, could be stupid as hell, but would be meta-significant?
Interesting analysis of your journey. I’ve been told that blogging is a selfish hobby and somewhat narcissistic (particularly if you have yourname.com like me!) but the communicative aspect is overlooked, IMHO. Like you, I also am enjoying blogging for the feedback, not necessarily for what I’m doing right or wrong but for what other insight others can bring to the table. I feel in some ways, forums are a better place for me but there’s something about a blog that lets me be who I want to be and less of an avatar/nickname.
I take this as a “State of the usagijen, Animeblogger, 2008″ post.
Learning about ourselves is a constant process, and I’m glad to see that you admit that you’re still learning as you go, and enjoying it as well. :3
Your situation interests me, fufufufufufuufuf. You should read “Hunger of Memory” by Richard Rodriguez, “On Borrowed Words” by Ilan Stavans, and “The Accidental Asian” by Eric Liu. They’re all about identity. They’re also about language (Liu’s not so much), and how you perceive yourself to be incompetent with language (I think you’re great) is in fact a very interesting component of identity. You said you were a lazy book reader but READ THESE and you will not be disappointed!
It’s great to read a post like this and learn about how fellow co-bloggers think and feel about blogging – although it can be thought of a narcissistic it’s fundamentally a personal venture that is supposed to be ‘all about you’.
I feel honoured that I influenced you even in a small way, but it’s a wonderful feeling when you feel able to just write whatever you like without much pressure from wanting to write what other people want you to. I find it especially heartening to see how certain shows and posts you’ve written gave you the precious “This is why I blog!” sensation – it’s elusive for most of the time but so wonderful when it happens. I look forward to reading more posts from you in future!
Oh yeah, the pics you’ve chosen here are fantastic too. So pretty…
At first I was wondering why I had set myself up to read another two long posts after my brain was already tired from all of the ef talk, but I can’t say that I regret it. Your “story”, if you will, reminds me quite a bit of my own, though condensed into a much shorter time period. From the moment I started blogging to today, I know that I’ve learned a lot, both about the community and about anime, and I can’t help but feel that those things have somehow carried on to my outlook on life as well. Either way, though, thanks for sharing: we seldom get the chance to see into another blogger’s mind in this much detail, and when it occasionally does happen, I always find myself learning from it.
Also, I might write a similar post on New Year’s Eve, so keep your eye out for a trackback
It’s great to read your fascinating in-depth self-examination og yourself as an anime fan, a person and a blogger. No doubt you write here with more fluency and eloquence than I normally do, and English is my primary language
. In any case, in retrospect you’ve clearly overcome the seemingly mountainous obstacles you had before in expressing yourself and all I can do after reading this epic post(s) is congratulate you and wish you a (late lol) Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
If you could see me now, I’d be clapping. Bravo
Great expression
Blogs are a great way to express and learn about yourself, and I think it comes down to writing in general. The more one writes about their thoughts, feelings, and opinions, the more clearly they will see themselves, but it’s easy to get lost and forcefully write (and I think we’ll agree that forced writing should be limited).
Having readers/writers to bounce things off of is fantastic, and though we can learn about others by reading what they write, some content/expression brings readers a better perception of the author than others…. just like your post here ^_^
Maybe it’s not Why We Blog, but what makes us enjoy it, and I feel similar that the self-learning experience and change is ultimately satisfying, as well as the connections made with readers and other writers. It’s win-win when we can enjoy our arena.
Cheers usagijen, a new year is right around the corner
^_^ I’m glad you wrote this. This is a wonderful read and I can’t help but envy the level of self-awareness you’ve discovered. And the my favorite part is how you found your answer and pretty much how much I agree with you: writing is a process of self-discovery.
lelangir’s recommendations are going straight into my wishlist, post haste!
Congratulations and Happy New Year! And what a great start to a year it is!
(gah, finally sat down and reply to comments x__x;)
First, a big thanks to all who read this and especially those who took the time to reply.
@Diego: that’s where it all starts, right? One reason why I managed to write something like this is because I felt really lost in blogging, much much more than you, so this is my way of saying ‘I finally found myself again’ or something. In time, once you start searching for your blogging purpose, I’m sure you’ll feel compelled to do a bit of introspection yourself. Have a blessed new year ahead of you!
@ghostlightning: I’m prone to being emo, haha. I guess this is the first of my emo posts that you’ve read, and I’m glad I was able to share this with you too. Looking forward to our epic meeting, w00t!
@Caitlin: selfish, eh… I guess you can say that
More feedback is always good. And yes, it’s the insights that other people bring is the most rewarding part of it, couldn’t have said it any better.
@N: that title is a genius, N! made me wish I thought of it!
Having realized that I still have a LOT to learn in blogging (and in life in general) is just… comforting~ I’m so glad I got to know you guys, otherwise I wouldn’t have been this enlightened! ^-^
@lelangir: wow, memoir… how I’d love to have that kind of “blogging epitaph” one day. The question is, who’d be willing enough to make it?
Thank you for the recommendations, duly noted! Will make sure to check them out! Hope the local bookstores have them in stock, gonna head out on a book shopping spree tomorrow.
@Martin: Thank you so much, you make me blush and cry
Bloggers like you never cease to humble me, and having you guys share in the joy I’m feeling is an honor! Viva la blogging! 
@Omisyth: thank you for the kind words! I’m still learning, and having shared this experience with people is just wonderful! A Prosperous New year to you!!
@Ryan: forced writing = teh horror, as you’ll eventually feel alienated from the very posts you write! That’s certainly where I was headed had I not STOPPED what I was doing and evaluate it first. Thank you for constantly dropping by and reading our posts, no matter how silly or pretentious it was. I might not have been able to return the favor by commenting on your blog, but it’s something this little bunny appreciate from the bottom of her heart!
@didinskee: aww, thank you for inspiring me as well! This whole journey wouldn’t have been complete(though of course it’s still not complete) without all of you. Thank you!
@usagijen, well, since I’m mostly a meta-blogger, reading blogs is part of the day-to-day. I read blogs before I blogged, and it just stays with me. Of course, that may not always be the case since I did vacate reading through most of 2007. ^^
I enjoy your blogging topics.
Yeah, sorry I took ages to get around to reading this. It’s been a busy internet, and… well, I’ve got no excuse for not reading this sooner.
Anyway, it’s been great knowing you–I still remember the very first time I read this blog when tj linked to you (if I wasn’t mistaken, his fascination stemmed from the fact that Scrumptious was mostly run by girls), and you’ve come a long way since then, so this post is highly appropriate.
Like Martin, I’m glad to know what something of what I’ve written’s affected you in some way, no matter how little. Keep up the good work! Sometimes you make me wish I had the energy to write a thousand-word post a day again–that’s how infectious your zest for blogging is.
(and here I thought I already replied to Owen)
@Owen: I should be the one thanking you! As for blogging energy, bah, I seem to have lost it along the way too. Hope I can get it back again!! I’m honored to know I was of influence to you too, even a little
Few of the shows this season or last season are any good. There is very little originality in anime because people will continue to watch the same hash repetitively. Unless there is an incentive to change, the producers of anime will continue to produce the same stuff over and over again. At some point even bloggers (or perhaps, especially bloggers) will get tired of this.
So despite the large number of “I’s” in this post, this “apathy” that you talk about might have nothing to do with you. If you’re forcing yourself to enjoy a show, it probably means the show isn’t any good.