Anime
I CAN Haz Girlfriend?
Commercial break time!
So you say you’re RONERY, a NEET in dire need of a waifu to hug and hold, to live with for the rest of your life even though you have no idea how to feed her. Think you can never have a girlfriend? Well now you CAN, with this one-of-a-kind Melon Soda — don’t let its uninspired name fool you!
If you think this is some sort of joke, then check this out!!
Once you get a hold of this Melon Soda, just crack it open, take a sip and let her rip!
And right in front of your eyes you shall see… zOMG it’s a girl! Say hello to your instant girlfriend, Melon!
But wait, there’s more! If you order within the next 5 minutes, you’ll also get a once in a lifetime chance to immerse yourself into the world of BL~
Extra buttsecks, just the way you want it! How’s that for an offer!
Am I hearing boos and complaints from people about wanting to have a NORMAL girlfriend instead? Oh pu-leaze, don’t be silly, normalcy is overrated. Why go for plain sissy women when you can go the exciting path of life, with a mahou shoujo at that. Life will never be the same without this Melon Soda Girl, that’s for sure.
This might even be the most portable girlfriend you’ll ever have, without the hassles of a right-hand girlfriend at that. With just one touch, she transforms back into a handy dandy Can, so you can bring her anytime, anywhere!
Then you can just sit back, relax, take a little sip of her juice your Soda (use of a straw is Highly Recommended), while watching other girls make out. You get yourself a waifu, and your regular dose of yuri too, yowzah!
But just a few reminders, one sip might be enough to proclaim your first dibs on Melon, but make sure to respect her and treat her with utmost care, even if you’re her Master even if she doesn’t show herself worthy of respect with the way she gives herself away to you, otherwise you’ll suffer bad consequences. Unless you’re a masochist, DON’T EVER PISS HER OFF. You’ve been warned.
We will not be held liable for whatever damages her GREAT BALLS OF MELON will cause.
Now if she becomes a High Maintenance Girlfriend, or you get tired of her for who knows what reason, we’ve got good news for you too! We anticipated that happening, so we prepared the fool-proof countermeasure to solve just that.
All you’ve got to do is to turn her back into the can that she was (this might seem like a daunting task, but believe me, it’s easy. Just don’t get intimidated by her super powers, and you can easily make your way to her ‘henshin switch’), guzzle her, and throw her away! No hassles, no emotional baggage, no more tears. And definitely no NICE BOAT (provided that you followed the instructions carefully).
Just a word of warning though: this action cannot be undone, so think twice before doing it. If those who got it for the special introductory price of 200 yen managed to weigh the consequences of their actions and believe in the Melon who believes in them, so can you!
I doubt you’d be able to resist her charms when she goes “O-o-onegaiii~~~!” on you anyways.
So there you have it, folks, the amazing Melon Soda that will bring down the likes of Tentacle Grape! Portable and disposable Girlfriend in a Can, 2-in-1 goodness for the price of one, brought to life by the wonders of Akikan! Get your Melon Soda NOW!
This post was brought to you by the bunny’s silliness, inspired by Mike’s take on Akikan:
“…Perhaps a crazy soda marketing executive, that’s who–imagine a slogan for a new soda: “it tastes just like your first kiss.” I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s tons of product placement in this show, though I haven’t seen any prominent examples so far. I mean, she gets mad if you drink any other brand of soda after all: what a way to keep that customer loyalty!”
Giving credit where it’s due 
Forgot to mention about Mike’s post when I first wrote this orz.
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24 comments for “I CAN Haz Girlfriend?”
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Remember kids, a Melon Soda Girl is for life, not just for Christmas!
I love the contrast between the mediocre-at-best artwork and the lovingly rendered soda cans.
Is she recyclable?
I’m ashamed to say I only noticed the pun in the title on my second read-through.
And I never even noticed it until IKNight mentioned it. Well played, though, the title and the post.
I will have to see now if Akikan is as amusing (one way or another) as your high-quality salesperson pitch!
@KayDat: more like, ‘not only for an un-ronery Valentine’s!’
@kuromitsu: seeing the contrast makes me depressed T__T Poor anime.
@Baka-Raptor: Wanna crush her and find out?
@IKnight: better than not noticing it at all! I can only wonder if the other ones before you took notice of it
@CCY: ‘it’s so stupid that it’s so good!’ would be the best way to describe this show. Make sure to turn off your brain while you’re at it!
Is this a comedy, god, some of those caps are hilarious…. “how dare you drink another juice?” LOL!LOL
May have to watch simply for the lulz factor… Extrange said it was best show of season on #ab, I had to disagree ~_~ quietly
lol. Awesome. This made me laugh so much.
But why do I feel that it’s so much more clever than the series itself?
This show has left me speechless and I haven’t even watched it. Nor will I.
LOL! I love the gangsta talk! This could start the next can wars!
OH GOOD GRIEF. I suspect this writeup is far more entertaining than that show ever will be for me.
Ahaha oh wow. I’m inclined to believe that this is all just one giant product placement but for what company I don’t know.
If this becomes even more ridiculous in the future, I might just watch it for the laughs. Heh
Not even tempted to touch this despite the pricelessness of “Once my juice is consumed, I’ll be thrown away!” I rather go out and buy a can of soda then sit down and swallow an episode of this, har har – Oh damn ORZ
Juice! @_@
All the more reason to try out my Akikan! drinking game. You never know, it might get you a Beer-tan. Now how great is that?
Are you sure it’s not cabbage soda?
. . . horrible pun
@Ryan: it’s good for the laughs, though not quite the kind worth your time. This anime will most likely give birth to a couple of memes, so I think just knowing about the series is enough.
@FuyuMaiden: thanks! Guess you can say that’s part of my plan, Operation: Prove yourself better than Akikan
@Omisyth: give in to your deepest desires!
@Stripey: “can wars”! love that
@Caitlin: for your precious time’s sake, watch something else unless you’re stressed and want some lulz for a change.
@Lbrevis: more like, a company that you don’t even want to know about
@shirokiryuu: you’d have to rely on Hinano’s blog for that, I doubt my attention span
@issa-sa: I think it’s alright to catch this on TV or something, just to pass time
@NovaJinx: haha, I sure will if I feel like getting high on some juice
@DrmChsr0: …not yet, but close?
@gaguri: LOOL
Why thank you. I only noticed this linkback today. *sniff* I love being another person’s muse!
Great Balls of Melon indeed. This show is hilariously if you treat it like a parody
@Mike: aww, and I love being inspired! so thank you!
@ETERNAL: all for the lulz!