Editorial
A Shoujo Protagonist Moment of Epiphany
Real Life has been rather colorful as of late, and while I had to cut it short due to certain realizations on my end, it allowed me to Level Up in Life (or so I hope), leaving me more enlightened than ever. Unfortunately, I had to step on someone’s toes in the process, and I’m really sorry for that. Now you may or may not be interested in what I have to say about this, but I’ll share about my learnings anyways. Have to get this post out of the queue bin before I could start writing about the new season! Tongue-in-cheek language alert!
Man Cannot Live on Moe Alone
As otakus (or 2D moe fans), we (or rather NO YOU, GAIZ) can be prone to fall for moe girls in real life. I mean, it’s not so often that you’ll meet someone moe, resembles the 2D characters in animes that you really love, someone so adorable and animated and makes your heart go DOKIDOKI, amirite?! But common sense should dictate that there ought to be more to a girl than just moe to sustain a relationship. Moe, like beauty, is but skin deep. It can be said to refer to traits in characters which elicit feelings of ‘protectiveness’ from the wannabe knight-in-shining-armor viewers/bystanders, and wanting to protect something/someone != love. Loving a pet, more like it. Moe is another way of looking at the flaws of a character, turning the “not so ideal” into something adorable… makes you love a character despite her flaws, but question is, do you actually see the real-life moe girl for who she is?
Moe does not define a woman, in fact, it’s often said to be a feminist portrayal of women. It’s but icing on the cake, supposed to be found on top of the qualities that makes someone really admirable. It’s easy to fall for someone’s moeness, but in the end, what really matters is what comes after the moe (what you see once you’ve been rid of the rose-colored-glasses that sees nothing else but moe). So girls, the next time someone tells you they like you or asks you out because “you’re moe, and I like to know more about you IYKWIM“, it just goes to show how much the person doesn’t know about you, so reject or accept the offer with that in mind.
Control Your Pheromoenes
Given the premise that ‘guys can easily fall for moe’, and that ‘there’s more to girls than moe-ness’, girls would also have to do their fair share of pheromoene-controlling to avoid getting into any relationship with the wrong foot (and spare the souls of poor guys). If you want people to see that there’s more you than just being moe, then show them that GAR side that you’ve got! Kick them to the curb, smack some sense into them and make them see who’s got the balls! For someone to pursue you because of your moe-ness is an insult, so as much as possible, don’t show your moe-side unless you’re fully aware of its consequences.
If you wish to counter what I say here with a “But what if I’m not aware that I’m moe?!”, suit yourself, but self-awareness is always a good thing, just don’t let it get over your head.
It’s Not [Just] About the Otaboy/Otagirl
I remember there being a poll in RIUVA as to whether an otaku would want a fellow otaku to be his/her soul-mate (or whether or not an otaku would like to end up with a fellow otaku), and while I can’t exactly remember the results of the said poll, I’m sure there are many people who voted for “yes, give me an O-TA!”. Honestly though, I think that’s a silly, shallow and stupid trait to look for a future partner. While yes, it’s great to find that certain someone who understands your interests and even share in it too, there’s more to life than just anime, like hello this is the real world? Unless of course, your world revolves around nothing else but anime alone, because if so then good luck finding your perfect otaku mate! ain’t that NEET!
Not all people are lucky enough to be in the shoes of ghostlightning and his waifu, but do keep in mind that it’s not just “love for anime” that bound these two lovebirds together, but something far deeper. There are other things [than "love for anime"] that would make us “connect” and keep a relationship going strong in the long run — principles, ideals, core values, religion/faith, emotional and/or intellectual connection, among others, and if these don’t match, uhh forget the whole “connecting thru anime” criteria because that’s not gonna make up for the other “disconnects”. Sharing hobbies and interests is nothing else but icing on the cake, it was never meant to be the top criteria in a lasting relationship. While yes, sharing the said “love for anime” can possibly lead you to true love, and that despite whatever pessimism I utter here, there will always be exception to the rule, keep in mind that you are the rule, not the exception, and that there’s more to love than just having common interests.
Don’t Just Date
After one date, I found myself asking, why do people date again? I didn’t have a clue what I was getting myself into. Dating is said to be the way for us to “get to know each other”, so that you can see whether this certain guy is The One. But with the wrong mindset, it can be THE slippery slope to nosedive trainwreck. I mean, would dating, going out by yourselves to the movies, dining out, going to the arcade, etc. be enough to really get to know a person? “But relationship is all about enjoying each other’s company”, some would say, but how can you be certain that you’re genuinely enjoying each other’s company when you still don’t know each other all that well?
In order for two people to really get to know each other, it should be outside of the premise of any romantic relationship. That’s why they say a relationship should have friendship as its foundation, because it’s only through this “outside of romance” can we see who the person really is, rose-colored glasses off, enjoying even the mundane moments together, stinky side exposed and all, two people being totally honest and open to each other. The typical dating, in my opinion, creates this forced artificial/unnatural environment where two people seclude themselves from the rest of the world and “get to know each other” with what little they can see of each other, outside of what they really do normally. “Getting to know them when they go out with you” is more like it.
Granted, the effectiveness of dating as a means to getting to know one another depends on the people involved, how they approach dating, the boundaries they set, the activities they do, but the question is, how sure are you that the one you’re going out with is not just putting their best foot forward to impress you, that they’re really showing their unmasked self to you, when you barely know them (the same goes with you)? Dating doesn’t necessarily mean you already have the ‘relationship mindset’, yes, and that both of the people involved in the dating process are free to end the dating game whenever they want, but if, before any solid friendship is formed (or before any substantial ‘getting to know each other’), we head straight to the rabu rabu romance stuff, isn’t that getting to know each other a little too well and too fast?
You Might Be Wise, But You Can Also Be Proven Otherwise
For years, I thought I already had wise governance over my heart. I have often scorned my elementary and highschool classmates for their ‘lack of wisdom’ whenever I witnessed them getting into relationships with the wrong foot, especially when it leads to unexpected consequences. I already know what to do wisely to avoid this pitfall, theoretically-speaking, but alas, it’s completely different when you’re already the one in the situation, especially when everything is new. Like a child suddenly left alone to cross the streets, I found myself lost, not quite acknowledging that I needed guidance, when I clearly did. “What do you do on a date?” I found myself asking. “Just have fun”, people told me, and I did… until it finally dawned on me that I wasn’t being fully aware of what I was doing 
I quickly jumped ship into dating the moment someone asked me out, because it’s like OMG the first time it ever happened in my life! Just the thought of there being someone courting me, or wanting to take me seriously made me leap for joy! And well, rationality and wisdom flew out of my head. All I could tell my female colleagues was “teehee, I’m going on a date~”. Of course they were happy for me, thinking that I knew full well what I was doing. Nothing happened that I would ever regret, but having went through a momentary loss of rationality and wisdom made me realize that I am prone to making stupid mistakes when I’m not being aware of what I am doing. And it’s not only me who’ll be suffering its consequences. After what happened, I realized that I am in no position to be scorning my classmates because I am in no way more righteous than they are. The same goes for Kotoko (Itazura na Kiss). I do not have any right to be criticizing her so-called foolishness because I can be pretty much like her too.
True Love Begins After Being In-Love
Is Falling In Love really characterized by a sense of delusion, or that you really have to go through this stage where you feel like you’re in cloud nine, in a dreamy state where you lose your ground from reality? Such are matters of the heart? I hate the notion that you have to be foolish in love (or “love”), but I guess it all makes sense the moment you realize that the in-love state is but a stage that has to run its course en route to True Love.
As my rose-colored glasses started to fade, I sought counsel regarding the situation I was in, ultimately forgetting that I actually wrote something like this in my ItaKiss “uterus rage” post before:
People often say that being in love in unexplainable; it makes you lose sense of rationality. Ah the euphoria of love~ But you know what I think, love founded with reason, not just the pure emotional high “in love” state, is what will make a relationship stay solid and strong.
or quoting what I quoted back then:
Our most basic emotional need is not to fall in love but to be genuinely loved by another, to know that a love grows out of reason and choice, not instinct. I need to be loved by someone who chooses to love me, who sees in me something worth loving.
That kind of love requires effort and discipline. It is the choice to expand energy in an effort to benefit the other person, knowing that if his or her life is enriched by your effort, you too will find a sense of satisfaction — the satisfaction of having genuinely loved another. It does not require the euphoria of the “in love” experience. In fact, true love can not begin until the ‘in love’ experience has run its course.
I feel rather ashamed that these ‘words of wisdom’ completely escaped me. I was like, wow… I actually said that?! -__-;
Falling in love can be tricky, and at times, we might fall into the trap of falling for the idea of falling in love, rather than the person himself/herself. We fall in love with the “idea” of there being a person who fawns over us, spoils us, pursues us, showers us with attention; we fall in love with the comfort, security and gushiness that this “love” provides. But the gushiness can only get you so far; it’s a sign of a healthy and happy relationship, but not the glue that will make it last, and especially not what should make it blossom in the first place. As my friend told me, “…while sweetness is important, too much of it blinds you towards what is really important”. So as much as possible, strap off those rose-colored glasses and see things the way they are, keep it real, so that you’ll get the real deal out of it too.
What You Say is What You Get
Once upon a time my colleagues and I (together with our supervisor) were talking about anime when the topic veered into the H territory. Silly me just blurted out of nowhere that I have my Baka Aniki #2 to blame for my first exposure to pr0n, as I accidentally played one of his “hidden” betamax tapes at home for use in recording animes airing on TV. Any guy in his sane mind would’ve felt embarrassed for me, like WTF Jenny WHY YOU TELL THAT, and change the topic to something not risque and save me from more shame. But apparently, our supervisor found my story so riveting that he even went as far as asking me whether what I watched was hardcore XXX pr0n till the _p3netrati0n_ or what. That’s when I went “WTF. Dude, I’m a GIRL. That’s not something you should be saying to a girl!” (it only happened in my mind tho, darn) I guess whatever I shared made him think that I must be really comfortable around him to share all this, and that I won’t be offended by talking about these things, and that we’re really _close_
What’s worse, I let it happen yet again. Deja vu. I’m so slow and stupid it’s no longer funny. I’m a very open person, so open that I’d often find myself sharing stuff I shouldn’t be, like *that* story in the aforementioned paragraph. It’s all for the lulz, but clear enough, I was not being conscious of the subtext littered throughout my words and actions, too comfortable sharing for my own good. I was so nonchalantly babbling, not being aware that I was already giving the person I’m talking to the impression that we’re really really close, even if we’re not. I was giving fake intimacy signals, so to speak. While I am open to a variety of topics, risque or what, they’re not exactly what I’d deem to be the most romantic kind of conversation. So much for not realizing all this earlier and not being outspoken enough to say that I’d rather talk about life, love and other mysteries or other mundane stuff.
My fault for bringing up certain topics in the first place, for making it seem as if I know a lot when in fact I’m innocent (and not really that open-minded) for the most part! I hate how I only realize how I really want respond to someone’s words/actions minutes after what happened, so I don’t exactly get to show my HONTOU NO JIBUN right off the bat 
Uhm where was I again? Oh yeah, as I was saying, words are powerful, and uttering things without being aware of its implications and consequences is very very dangerous. Unlike visual novels, there’s no backtrack / save & load feature here, so it’s almost impossible to unburn an image you’ve ingrained in someone’s mind as a result of interacting with them, and you can never take back what you’ve already said/done. SLOWNESS IS NOT A VALID EXCUSE!
We Need a Team
While a romantic relationship is, by cheesy definition, involves two hearts strung together by love, it doesn’t mean that simply two people are involved in the whole process. No man is an island, as the famous quote goes, not simply in the “I need a waifu sense”, but that we need other people to thrive and grow — people who can offer not only companionship, but also guidance and wisdom. As much as we hate to admit it, we’re not always capable of making the wisest decisions on our own. We can be so focused and absorbed on something that we could simply see things from a super micro perspective, failing to see what’s going wrong from our narrow view.
As humans with ego and pride, we have the natural tendency to want to do things our way, to do things alone, because hey, we think we’re so great we can do anything! It also doesn’t help that relying on others is often seen as a sign of weakness in our culture. But the truth is, we need other people; and when it comes to matters of the heart, we need a trusted team that will support us in our ‘romantic [ad]venture’, act as our accountability partner(s), offer us a wide-angle perspective as we go through the ups and downs of this journey, contributing to a collective community experience. This applies to the anime [blogging] community too, right? :3
As Leslie Ludy writes in “When God Writes Your Love Story” (even if you don’t believe in God you can still relate to this quote):
Even though we live in a “do-it-yourself” world, it is dangerous to take that attitude toward relationships. The decision of who to spend the rest of our life with is a choice that has repercussions which will last for as long as we live. It’s not a choice that we should take lightly. And it’s not a decision we should make alone [...] When it comes to our love life, we’re talking about one of the most important decisions we’ll ever make… so let’s play to win
Let’s play to win! 
What’s Wrong With Waiting? (wwww?)
It’s so easy to jump ship the moment we feel like we’ve found “The One”; we sometimes end up convincing ourselves that “he might be!”, compromise our standards or what, but why resort to this when there’s supposed to be no harm in waiting? Rushing will only make us prone to making rash decisions, and will most likely lead to regrets and bitterness in the long run. Well-thought decisions guided by wisdom is the way to go. I mean, if you want nothing else but the best, why rush? Inasmuch as it can be frustrating to just ’sit around and wait’ for your Prince Charming to come, it’s even more disheartening to decide things on impulse and not get the best result that you really want.
Also, this time that we have as singles, isn’t just merely a time to “sit around and wait”, it’s the perfect opportunity for us to grow and mature in much about every aspect of our lives, mold our character into something we’d be proud of even for the years to come, with or without that future partner.
As I’ve told myself a few weeks ago (a geeky programming metaphor for relationships): relationship, just like coding, shouldn’t be rushed. It needs a well-thought design so you could see how everything will fit once you’re finally *in* the [hopefully right] relationship. And after all the trouble you went through to come up with / understand this design guided by wisdom, in the end you’ll realize it was all worth the wait. 
The irony here is that, the people who are most suited to be in a relationship are those who aren’t really into the idea of getting into one — the kind of person who’s happy in his/her single life, someone overflowing with the said happiness and love that he/she has this “love overflow” he/she could share with someone else. If you’re not happy as a single, you’ll feel all the more worse when you’re already in a relationship. This might be a feminist thing to say but I’ll say it anyway: women, keep in mind that we don’t need men to complete our lives, they’ll be there to complement the already complete (not perfect, but we feel complete nonetheless) us (and vice versa). a splendid gattai, that’s what it should be. Because we deserve no less than the best (imperfect and flawed but still great)! Rawr! And always remember, True love waits! :3
On a totally unrelated note but totally related to this blog, the new anime season is starting and my animu passion is burning once again! Hopefully, work won’t be so hectic anymore so I can write again~ tralala~
Comments or even violent reactions are more than welcome, btw! I’m still a work in progress anyways
Credits to mtnonikam, sena, and kanade for the images taken from pixiv.
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25 comments for “A Shoujo Protagonist Moment of Epiphany”
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Love. Friendship. Togetherness. Bah. I’m moving to a hut in the mountains where I’ll never have to deal with anyone again.
Oh Jenny, it’s very important I believe to hold on to the cheesy romantic notions. You have every license to be baduy when you’re in love. I’ve never lost the ability to make an absolute fool of myself for love, especially once I’ve moved forward into a relationship.
Being sober and erm, wise, is necessary when it comes to making big decisions. But for everything else, give it everything you’ve got. Play full out. Never be afraid to embarrass yourself (and your loved one).
In our relationship, sybilant is the Naoki and I’m the Kotoko. This is why I’m rather indifferent to the uterus rage towards ItaKiss. I’ve no problems being that person, and it isn’t like Shin-chan and Mr. Swabe tennis guy (my hero!) aren’t retarded fools for love.
Food for thought: I didn’t wait for love to happen. I took the fight into ‘enemy territory’ lol. It worked out I think.
What is it with the Filipino society that encapsulates women into being “Maria Clara” and that women should just wait for love to come?
I know I am not one to say such things since I have not proven myself in that area, but, mind you… if you saw that someone pass you by whom you know to be willing enough to take the same risks you are taking, then go ahead and take the chance.
People come and go but they leave something for us to ponder on. The only thing that would always keep us company are the memories that we have shared with another, no matter how short those moments are so grab them while you can. A moment that passed is a moment that has gone and you can never get it back.
@Baka-Raptor: lolz. Don’t forget to bring your ShizNat with ya!
@ghostlightning: Isn’t the tricky part the prelude to the relationship? I’m such a n00b about this
You have conquered the enem— conquered love I mean, what can I say!
As Randy Pausch himself says, “Brick walls are there for a reason: they let us prove how badly we want things”, and you have clearly overcome that and showed that your love prevails 
Not sure if it works the same way for women though… I belong to the camp who believes that guys have to make the first move. In the meantime, I’ll just live my life to the fullest and see if love comes my way 
@KaeBoo: haha, not quite a Maria Clara lifestyle, but going out there in the world, making friends, meeting people, having the zeal for life… not quite prioritizing love life, but not setting it aside completely either. I wouldn’t want to live my life simply to search for my Prince Charming, but if I do see a certain ‘potential’, I would be aggressive in my own way, though I wouldn’t want to get too far ahead of the game either. “let’s be friends!”
@usagijen
We’ll chat sometime and I’ll tell you how it broke down. Love is Lulz, I tell you.
Very interesting read, if only to see how a girl thinks about love. Myself, I find it annoying that I’m the youngest man in the office and everyone is pressuring me to chase after girls. Urk.
@ghostlightning: haha, would love to hear about that! Will give you a holler when I catch you online and available
@schneider: keep in mind that this is an NBSB/n00b girl talking
Are your officemates projecting their frustrations on you or what? haha. But ugh… it’s no fun if people pester you for that. Not to mention these are the very same people who’d be teasing you nonstop when you finally get to chase after one lol.
I’m very curious as to what triggered this. (Somebody tell me what sort of bribe will make usagijen spill the beans
)
>>After what happened, I realized that I am in no position to be scorning my classmates because I am in no way more righteous than they are. The same goes for Kotoko (Itazura na Kiss). I do not have any right to be criticizing her so-called foolishness because I can be pretty much like her too.
This is what I also used to do in the past. Watching from a distance (in a comfortable seat), one could always criticize and point out the faults of others. But when it comes to the real thing itself, that’s where the fun (or the pain) starts. Sometimes you just surprise yourself. I was surprised at myself too (at the seemingly dumb/stupid things I did). =p
@hayase: let me just say that it didn’t happen *here*
now I’m curious about *your* story
In the end, nothing’s lost, everything to gain / learn from whatever experience we’ve had 
I’d like to go slightly off tangent here by suggesting that shoujo anime/manga can be DANGEROUS to n00bs in love. In the traditional sense someone impressionable may actually use the often absurd standards of romance featured in them, but I’d like to think that most people have enough sense to see that fiction != reality.
Unfortunately for some of the sensible bunch, being a n00b means not knowing what the reality of being in love is. In their minds they may pooh pooh the way romance works in fiction, but instead of this protecting them when finally facing it in RL… Say it’s your first time ‘in love’ and you’re at a loss at how to proceed with it. ‘Normally’, you’d think “Hell no am I going to act like shoujo protagonist XYZ did” – but if your lack of experience means shoujo protagonist XYZ happens to be your only source of reference, subconsciously whether they like it or not that inner Kotoko (XYZ of your choice) is just waiting to rear her ugly head! (Knowing what’s wrong doesn’t mean you know what’s right?)
Erm yea. Not exactly on topic but I sort of wanted to blurt that out =P
This has to do with what you believe your identity to be. I’d bet good money that most of those who honestly really wanted an otaku to be their soul mate strongly identify themselves as otaku.
You’re right on the money about dating requiring a certain stability and the absence of that stability ironically leading people to date (to seek it in others rather than acquiring it for themselves.)
Also, that part about not taking your own advice from years before? I can totally relate.
I have never truly been loved back by a woman in the way I imagine I’d like to be loved back, and it’s not just because I’m a shameless Densha Otoko fanboy who got burned by 4Chan when he tried to ask for help. I don’t know what it is about high school girls, but they just don’t seem to go for me. They’d rather date other people, but are happy to be using me as the official grumbling at/crying on shoulder object.
Part of why me finding love is so difficult is because I was born with a condition not many people understand, and if they do understand it they’re a bit frightened of the commitment it would take to accommodate my needs/look after me/encourage me to look after myself. I’m an option that comes with too much baggage for most girls my age to want to be interested in as a dating partner.
And by the way, I once had a childhood promise girl, but I broke up with her as soon as I realised that unlike in anime, childhood promises break more easily than you might imagine due to feelings about certain people changing over time.
I might feel lonely sometimes but I have to make do with what I have (my own life and my hobbies) until the time when love comes along when I least expect it. Love is a ninja, it stabs you in your heart before you can even blink, but when you look for it it’s not there.
Excuse me while I play “Wasureji no Teenage” from the Genshiken soundtrack on my new harmonica, which is ironically in the right key to play that exact song. If you’ve ever watched the show, you’ll know what I’m talking about.
Sorry, needed to reset my name here so it would be recognised properly. Just plain NGP here.
Anyway, this post made me cry, in a good way. I guess I’ve had bad luck with love, but I’m not giving up. Mainly because I know there comes a point where women will arrive at a point in my life when they’ll be mature enough to deal with me. High school is not that time.
Anyway, I’m doing a post to reply to this. Try listening to “Wasureji no Teenage” from the Genshiken OST and this post is even more emotional to handle while you read it. I’m learning to play that harmonica melody on my new harmonica.
Ah, so that’s the post you’ve been working on
Yes, compatibility involves many factors – hobby is only one part of it.
Indeed, that can be a challenge. To overcome this, it would be good to interact with a person in a variety of situations. Due to my experience and training, it takes relatively little time to assess a person accurately.
Well, emotions tend to overpower our rationality, but it sounds like you learned from your experience and will be more careful now.
Yes, one should be very careful about the openness in conversations and latent message signaling, but sometimes a cigar is just a cigar
haha That’s true, but this tendency may subside with age. Also people often attach too much weight to insignificant things.
Yes, accepting support in your journey may yield good results in the long-term.
That’s the best part of this essay
This is very true
Happiness comes from within.
Overall, “true love” can be characterized in this way
Thank you for writing a thorough, entertaining, and educational post – I enjoyed reading it
@issa-sa: off tangents like that are most welcome!
“knowing what’s wrong doesnt mean you know what’s right” — well said. To make it even more apt, I’d say “…doesn’t mean you already know how to do what’s right”, because at times, we might know what’s right, but it doesn’t follow we’ll really act the right way when we’re already in the situation.
People who assume they will do the ‘right thing’ just by knowing what’s right and what’s wrong tend to have this self-righteous act that will bring them down sooner or later. Pride comes before the fall
@moritheil: sound advice you’ve got there (quite a slippery slope too, if I might add, in a good way XD), made me realize that not knowing who I really am and what I want were the major factors that led to this.
@NewGeekPhilosopher: but why go out of your way to search for love (before you even search for yourself, what you want, or what you deem to be the purpose of it all)? You have a disability yes, and while the majority of society “dictates” or makes you feel that you are “incomplete”, you will only feel that way if you allow yourself to. There will come a point in your life when women would be mature enough to deal with you, yes, but keep in mind that you have to do your share of growing up and maturing yourself. Expand your horizons, explore the world, live your life to the fullest! Don’t make “ending up with someone” your goal in life (or live your dreams with that secondary goal), I beg you.
I’m not gonna go preachy here and tell you that God will fill that void in your heart (even if I really want to), you’d best know how to search for that certain ‘missing void’ in your heart, and I don’t believe you’d find that in romantic love. Make friends, more than anything else, and keep things real.
@kitsune: thank you for the thoughtful response, for adding up your own insights on this too!
I do agree that we grow in wisdom as we grow in age and experience, just so happens that I lacked it (or lacked friends whom I could learn about these kinds of things by example XD). It’s great to see when people affirm what was mentioned here to be true, especially by people who are much wiser than I am!
Bullshit. The only time girls want to be friends is when they don’t want to date a guy.
well there’s a difference between wanting to be friends _only_, and seeing the guy both as a friend and someone you can also share the rest of your life with. Who ever said you can’t date and treat each other as friends as well (even if you know it’s something more)?
Awwww my usagijen is all grown up and ready to look for a partner to share her life with and create a rabbit sized brood with… hehe
Well aren’t we most fortunate dear madame, at least you have the time and resources to look for love. Poor bastards like me are looking for something else entirely…they call it a job. I needs one.
Love is like shit, it just happens.
“Awwww my usagijen is all grown up and ready to look for a partner to share her life with and create a rabbit sized brood with” –> roflwhat. no, just… no.
and that definition of love, dear sir, is one of the most unromantic ones I’ve ever seen
All the best in your job search!
As topics go you really picked a tricky one this time. It’s hard to know where to start and where to end on this one though a few details stand out.
1. No one is ever ‘complete’ before they enter a relationship. It is the nature of life that every hour, every day, every month, and every year exposes us to new experiences and more information. And further that as that information accumulates our thoughts, viewpoints, and personal truths constantly evolve.
2. Relationships don’t ‘complete’ anyone. They provide so many things, but the word ‘complete’ should never be used. It implies some sense of finish as if efforts are no longer required and that’s false. Relationships require constant effort. You have to think about how you are feeling, how your partner is feeling, how to communicate what you are feeling, how to understand what your partner is trying to communicate to you about what they are feeling, and that’s just the start.
3. Relationships never ’stay the same’. Since you are growing and your partner is growing the bond between you is always changing. If you make an honest effort to nurture it (like growing a plant) it changes in positive ways. If you neglect it, it changes in negative ways.
As far as finding ‘love’ goes there is no shame in holding out until you find the right person. There is also no shame in the process of trial and error that it takes to find the person in question. Reality doesn’t come with cheat guides, saves, backups, or anything close to an easy way to get all the answers to make perfect decisions. It’s all a part of the ride.
Oh, yeah. While it is important to think a bit about how you are presenting yourself to your audience and what you’re communicating to them. It is equally important for your audience to work to put what you are saying into the context of your nature in figuring out your message. Good friends and good lovers will understand this on some level. So don’t sweat it quite so much.
Oh I do agree with the notion that humans are forever evolving, and that we should continue to grow and learn each day, stagnancy is futile, etc. And what I really meant by ‘complete’ here is the situation where we can look at the mirror and be able to see ourselves, know who we are, be proud of who we are… not exactly “complete” in the “I am perfect” sense, but that we think of ourselves as “whole” while not disregarding the fact that we’re forever evolving. Being happy with who we are, I guess, knowing well that peace is found within, no other person will give that to you
What you said about the ‘trial and error’ process in finding ‘love’ reminded me of a similar thing my friend told me, that we shouldn’t hold ourselves back, take a risk, be confident… like trying on a pair of shoes and seeing if it works (and of course, making it work too). All in all, thank you for the thoughtful response, it has undoubtedly allowed me to learn so much more about this.
1. NEVER EVER DATE YOUR SUPERVISOR. It causes problems. Look at what happened to that dude’s sister in Macross Frontier. She dated her boss. Her boss framed her after they broke up. Then she died. Serves her right. And I am not speaking from personal experience. BUT DATING YOUR BOSS IS A BAD IDEA.
2. Crusader is wrong. Sometimes shit doesn’t happen. The reason is constipation. It could happen to your love life too. Not everyone gets to reproduce their genes. Will you be one of them?
3. Emotions are powerful, but they do not last long. Thoughts last longer, but initially they’re not as powerful. Marriage requires the same sort of dedication and thought as work. Nothing can last long if it’s just emotion.
I never would have expected I’d get the most insightful commentary on entering into romantic relationships from an anime blog. I’d like to add something constructive; but, alas I’m at a loss for words and the midnight oil is running low. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
comments like that is enough to make my day, so thank you as well! ^-^