(My Garden by ぱ)

Bloggers have been accused of loving their blogs more than they love anime. I plead guilty. For the past few years, whether I like it or not, blogging has changed (revolutionized?) the way I consume animes. Life-changing as it may be, it turned out to be a double-edged sword. Gone were the days when I could simply sit down and relax, watch an episode or two, marvel at it for whatever reason and go on with Life^TM. I’m sure you’ve heard that elsewhere, right? Blogging has made be an active consumer, and that’s good, but somewhere along the way, it also alienated me from what I’ve been doing.

Lately I find myself thinking, did I really like [insert name of series I blogged in the past], from the bottom of my heart? So much for spending more time blogging or thinking about blogging the said series instead of just basking in it and loving every moment of it, to the point of wondering why I even blogged it in the first place. From enlightenment, here goes another blogging blues relapse. Oh boy. Seems like I’ve become even more confused now that blogging has not only taken my time, but has also tainted the lens through which I view my animes. I guess it all boils down to “I don’t know myself enough just yet”, and more importantly, because blogging is not the cure to this identity crisis. That I should’ve known since a year ago, since that blogging crossroad.

(Catcher For U by ハルイチ)

This blog is an extension of my soul, and that’s that, just an extension. If I’m confused IRL, then I’ll be even more confused when I blog. In the same way as you don’t get into a relationship to fill whatever void in your heart, you can’t just blog to complete your anime and manga fanaticism, or to make up for your incompetence. It’s there to complement the animanga-loving fan that you are, and you shower it with your love overflow, the kind of love that oozes from you when you’re an enthusiastic fan. More importantly, you should have a firm grip on yourself, what you want and why you want it, so as to not get drowned into the Blogging Waves and lose yourself in the process. Somewhere, somehow, I lost my Hontou no Jibun and now I’m struggling to get it back. And again, I have to tell myself, I can’t find that True Self of mine by blogging and blogging alone.

You get better at writing by writing MOAR, but if you’re confused about what you want to write about, uncertain of your feelings even, you don’t exactly write about not being able to think of what to write. Instead, you step out and explore the world, head out for an adventure, discover its beauty, get to know yourself in the process, and grow holistically. For the aniblogger, this entails more than just discovering the ’sphere, but filling your very own love tank with true animango love. How? By blogging less and watching/reading MOAR, immersing yourself in what you watch and read, even without the premise of blogging.

(by 幼夢堂)

I don’t know what came into me, but suddenly I feel so confused. For the past two and a half years, who exactly was the usagijen blogging here? Was it really me, or a mere persona (or ‘nexistence’ in the words of lelangir) I created, a whole new beast and not really myself? But if so, then that means everything I’ve been doing here is a lie, which isn’t exactly the case. Admittedly, some of my posts are pretentious, but not exactly a lie. Sigh. I hate hate hate being confused, but here I am. Again.

After much enlightenment, I remain a Takemoto who headed out for a bike adventure without realizing why he even did it in the first place. What was I trying to achieve? Was I even trying to achieve something in the first place? I want to remember love, like ghostlightning, but how the heck will I remember love when I’m not even sure if there was indeed love in the first place? My love tank is running low on fuel, and I have to fill it up, quick. More importantly, I have to make sure that my feelings are genuine and real. Man, if only I was simple-minded, I wouldn’t have any of these problems.

(■□廊下□■ by 108)

I mentioned before that blogging has made me an active consumer. Sounds good, but not until you realize its negative implication: I’m pushing (forcing?) myself to be attentive because I’m thinking of blogging it. Ergo, I’m watching and enjoying what I watch for the sake of blogging and not exactly for pure & genuine enjoyment reasons. “But isn’t the desire to blog something an accurate indicator that you really love something?”, you ask, to which I return another question: How can you be so sure that you really love it if you can’t leave blogging out of the picture?

Actually, the thing about me being an apathetic viewer (which I talked about here) in the past isn’t exactly true, because I already was active before blogging, in my own little way. How else could I have remembered much of Daa! Daa! Daa!, Aka-chan to Boku, Ranma 1/2, Magic Knight Rayearth and KimiNozo (the CDs of which I dumped into the garbage bin out of RAEGG, and I got depressed for days even when I don’t have the slighest reason to be!)? Or even with other series which I can’t remember as vividly but lingered in my mind (Mermaid’s Forest, Honey and Clover, Ouran High School Club and Nishi no Youki Majo). Not once did it cross my mind that time that I was going to blog them, and yet, I remember them.

(道端の堕天使 by ベカサク)

otou-san once talked about how our experiences at the time we watch an anime affects the way we perceive it, “the circumstances at that very moment are important”, he said. ghostlightning also said that “We will not like some anime because we are not ready for it”. But how exactly will we be able to know if we’re ready? The voice inside me says, “you’ll _feel_ it, my child, you certainly will”. Time and again, I really will have this Eureka Moment, and I can wholeheartedly say I LOVED THIS, FEELS SO GOOD. But at times–many times–I end up cheating my way through this because of blogging, and I end up trying to convince myself that I am ready to enjoy a certain anime, when in fact, I’m still not. I end up skipping through the “watching and enjoying animes without exactly understanding why” immersion stage.

Or let me put it this way: At times, I’d be blogging about how “This series is sooo awesome and I LOVE it” even before reaching that actual “OMG I’m sooo enjoying and loving this, and know & feel that this is real and know exactly why I’m loving it” state. And when that happens, I’d look back at what I wrote a few months and end up wondering whose reflection it is I see in this blogging mirror. Or perhaps I’m just being too hard on myself, perhaps it’s just recency bias coming into play here. But something else is complicating all this for me.

There are people in the ’sphere who influenced me (and continues to influence me) in blogging — the Kaminas I look up to, my source of spiral energy yo. They inspire me, they humble me a whole lot. But the downside of it all is being haunted by the feeling that I need validation from these people, that I need their acknowledgment and recognition before I can recognize my worth as a blogger. I’m still not secure with myself, and I hate hate hate feeling this way. I hate my post-blogging blues where, after writing a post and it doesn’t exactly connect with readers the way I wanted it to, I end up moping and questioning what I did wrong. Did people read my post? Did they like it? Did they even care? And worst of all, is realizing on hindsight how disconnected I was from what I wrote; it wasn’t heartfelt enough and didn’t have my True Soul. Perhaps that’s why I keep on looking for external rewards in all this, to fill that emptiness, to cover up my incompetence. I was supposed to be over this, but here it comes again.

Blogging for 2DT is a cure for loneliness. I guess it is, for me too, though at times it becomes my source of loneliness.

For digitalboy, it’s a (questionably) legal drug. With the highs and lows I get from blogging, the alienation I feel at times, I’d say it’s like a drug for me too, with both beneficial and harmful side-effects. But I don’t want blogging to be just a drug I use for escapism purposes; I want it to be a reflection of who I am, something I pour my love and devotion to not simply for the external rewards I will gain after, but because of the internal rewards I will reap just by being able to write and express my thoughts and feelings, by sharing all this to an audience (imaginary or not). So that each and every step of the way I’ll be able to sing:

This is real, this is me
I’m exactly where I’m supposed be now
Gonna let the light shine on me
Now I’ve found who I am, there’s no way to hold it in
No more hiding who I wanna be, this is me ♫

(瀬戸内夏便り¹ illustration by 犬丸)

This is the time of the year when I (once again) realize that I’m still stuck in the lower end of the Moral Development Stage, and I have to find a way to reach the post-conventional level. Blog not just for the sake of it, not for the sake of other people either, but because I love what I’m doing and know exactly what I’m doing. And hopefully, be able to realize the Higher Purpose of why I’m doing this in the first place.

Perhaps blogging pushed me to be an active watcher, and there’s nothing wrong with having that little push to motivate me to do something. That’s even the key to people’s success at times. But one way or another, I have to step out of being pushed and be moved to act by a force within, something that’s got nothing to do with external validation rewards, something that’s not dependent on the ‘whims of other people or social groups’ either. If I’m going to ponder upon what I watch, it’ll be for the sole reason that I delight myself in it, not for whatsoever pandering purposes. As this one motto goes, “Until you are happy with who you are, you will never be happy with what you have” If what I write is not good enough for me, it will never be good enough.

In the meantime, while I’m still struggling to find that Higher Purpose, the least I can do is to be true to myself. I’m a little slow compared to most people. I’m not spontaneous, and I can’t outright say my thoughts on what I watch until after a bit of pondering. Unless we’re talking about shows I can quickly fangirl and KYAA over. This is who I am, and I should delight myself in it. And as of the moment, I prefer immersing and delighting myself in what I watch and read without the premise of blogging; Allow the episodes I watch to linger in my mind first (in the words of Michael Jackson, “You gotta let it simmer”), and finally, when the Right Time comes and I’m ready to pen down my thoughts into one coherent post (and even not-so-coherent ones), then I will. I won’t have to force myself to think of what to write because it will just come out naturally. The words will just… flow~ And I’ll be doing it in the spirit of good fun. As Hige said, “Blog in a manner that suits you, that makes you happy. Fuck the rest.”

I may still not see the 2D world from the eyes of them Great Bloggers, but there’s no need to rush. In my own time, I will grow; My perspective will change, be enriched… No need to rush. Be still my soul, fly free and soar above the clouds, but be grounded in reality and never lose sight of who you are, and why you’re doing this in the first place. I should tell myself that All The Time. Blogging shackles, begone!

Never have I felt more free and enlightened. Sorry dear readers, for I have been a pretentious wank. If you’ve read my past posts on this very same topic, I won’t be surprised if you’re now going “NOTTO DISU SHIT AGAIN?!”

And once again, I summon Rilke’s spirit and let his voice move me:

“You ask whether your verses are any good. You ask me. You have asked others before this. You send them to magazines. You compare them with other poems, and you are upset when certain editors reject your work. Now (since you have said you want my advice) I beg you to stop doing that sort of thing. You are looking outside, and that is what you should most avoid right now. No one can advise or help you – no one. There is only one thing you should do. Go into yourself. Find out the reason that commands you to write; see whether it has spread its roots into the very depths of your heart; confess to yourself whether you would have to die if you were forbidden to write. This most of all: ask yourself in the most silent hour of your night: must I write? Dig into yourself for a deep answer. And if this answer rings out in assent, if you meet this solemn question with a strong, simple “I must,” then build your life in accordance with this necessity;

And if out of this turning-within, out of this immersion in your own world, poems come, then you will not think of asking anyone whether they are good or not. Nor will you try to interest magazines in these works: for you will see them as your dear natural possession, a piece of your life, a voice from it.”

I’d also like to dedicate Miley Cyrus’ The Climb to myself, just because I can:

Every step I’m taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There’s always gonna be another mountain
I’m always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I’m gonna have to lose

Ain’t about how fast I get there
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb

The struggles I’m facing
The chances I’m taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I’m not breaking

I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I’m gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on

You say my post is long-winding? So what? These are my thoughts, confusing and jumbled up, right there as you see it. My writing will get better in time, I’m sure. But more than anything else I need to find out what the heck I really want to do, and do it. There’s no need to rush~

Comrade schneider already beat me to this “You don’t have to rush it” talk, darn! hehe But yeah, I do want to have the same mindset from here onwards — take things easy not just because I’m growing old. I had my chance to be on the spotlight; I experienced how it was like to ride the waves of hype, be the hype machine myself, and also how it was like to get caught up in the hype and end up losing myself. It was EPIC and fun, but now I realize that’s not exactly where I want to be. That’s not what would keep me going in the long run, because in the end, what matters most is what’s left after the hype is gone, after the in-love state has run its course. Whatever lies beyond this path, I would have to see and experience it for myself.

This blogging adventure is just beginning~

EDIT: Ryan’s comment reminded me of one more song I’ve been wanting to dedicate to myself for the longest time now, Lenka’s The Show:

I am just a little girl
lost in the moment
I’m so scared
but don’t show it
I can’t figure it out
it’s bringing me down
I know
I’ve got to let it go
and just enjoy the show

Dum Di Dum, Da-dum di dum~ Just enjoy the show~ ^_^

Further Reading

My introspections, which a lot of people are probably sick of reading by now (not that I really care or anything ):

Confessions and Epiphanies of an Incompetent Blogger
Micro-blogging is Confusing the Heck Out of Me Now, But I Has Gained Englightenment! (this one’s pretty stupid now that I’ve read it again, in a lolz way, but at least I was being honest?)
Beyond the Blogging Crossroad Part 1: A So-called “Love Affair” with Animes
Beyond the Blogging Crossroad Part 2: Why I Blog

Enough about me, and go read these posts by other bloggers which are far worth your time instead:

2DT on Anime Blogging as the Cure for Loneliness
digitalboy on Anime Blogging as his (Questionably) Legal Drug
Hige’s Editorial #12 – Convention Can Suck My Left One
ghostlightning on Recency Bias and How it Affects Anime Appreciation
what color are your glasses now? asks otou-san
schneider’s Continuing World turns one year old, and in this first anniversary post he talks about his humble beginnings, and keeping it cool yo~

1. an independently produced short film/anime TV ad(?) supposedly uploaded here in niconico, now deleted before I even had a chance to see it.

Related posts:

1. Beyond the Blogging Crossroad Part 2: Why I Blog
2. Beyond the Blogging Crossroad Part 1: A So-called “Love Affair” with Animes
3. A Koushien-esque Cross Game Blogging Ambition Once Forgotten

As much as I hate to admit it, my reaction to watching Kimi ni Todoke is nothing out of the ordinary. I bet you guys have seen it coming, “Oh she’s a shoujo fangirl, and she likes Kimi ni Todoke. So? Isn’t that what fangirls do?” But much like the series itself, which (I’m sure people could ‘objectively’ agree with this, take away those rose-colored glasses first) isn’t anything groundbreaking, I thought, well, I’m not exactly here to exceed whatever expectations or do anything groundbreaking [in blogging/fangirling over this], right?

Something need not be groundbreaking for you to appreciate it, enjoy it, and love it. And no don’t give me that “I already know what’s going to happen from the start till the end of this series” bullsh*t because you obviously don’t know what you’re talking about. Search deeper, and you will find out what makes this a cut above the rest. Who would be so willing to dive in and actually get on with this quest: that is the question.

The moment you start labeling things as generic (in the negative sense of the word) and grow weary at the sight of scenes which you have “already seen a million times before”, it can only mean either (1) you’ve realized how much it sucks compared to how you’ve seen it before, now that you’ve become more knowledgeable about your taste, or (2) you’ve become numb and/or jaded that you no longer see the beauty that it once had.

In Kimi ni Todoke, we have a terribly misunderstood girl, who longs for nothing else but to break the walls-of-misunderstanding that’s keeping her from opening up to people and allow them to see her in a true light. We follow her throughout this Naritai Jibun Quest; she gains friends in the process — her support group — and somewhere along the way she realizes that her feelings of respect and admiration for the guy she looks up to is… something more. And they fall in love~ Not exactly the kind of premise that would instantly grab your attention once you hear it (except if you’re a shoujo fan of course), and yes, you’ve probably heard this story elsewhere, and you already know how it’s going to end etc etc.

But if you’d only take the time to dive in and discover this series for yourself, you’ll realize that there’s more to this than how I so uninspiredly described it. Not groundbreaking, but special; not the kind that would WOW you (I’d disagree with this because I was WOW-ed, but I’m afraid I’m biased, so…), but would thug your heartstrings nonetheless. Unless of course you’re like a certain grumpy blogger with a heart of stone (in the words of Author).

The true beauty of Kimi ni Todoke lies within, in the subtle moments which makes this series shine above others. moritheil also said something along these lines before:

“…if you’re talking about love, sometimes it’s the little things that make us realize we love someone or something.”

“Enjoy. Small. Things.”, as Ryan says.

In the end, I wasn’t able to pinpoint exactly what sets Kimi ni Todoke a cut above the rest. But rather than unsettling, I find this exciting. I’m drawn to this series far more than the rest of the Fall offerings, and up until now I’m still trying to find out exactly why. Perhaps it’s because of those special moments, or perhaps, something more. Either way, I’m just gonna have to continue watching, continue to be touched, until I find the answers. Yay for more excuses to continue watching this gem~

At one point, you’ve got to stop comparing what you’re watching with other animes (especially for purposes of proclaiming one to be better than the other) and simply appreciate it and love it for what it is, savor all its moments for what they’re worth. The same goes for love and relationships isn’t it? You can’t just benchmark and go on scrutinizing how the guy in your current relationship is better or worse than the guys from your past. It could very well be a sign that you still haven’t gotten over the past and have yet to completely let go. You might fall into the trap of using guys for rebound purposes if that’s the case, missing out on the bigger and more beautiful picture of it all.

Aaaand let’s end this post before we stray off any further from the topic. Here’s to hoping Kimi ni Todoke will be able to reach a whole lot more people

Related posts:

1. Kimi ni Todoke Reached My Soul: Sawako-chan is so SawayaKYAA~
2. Kimi ni Todoke: From Around The ‘Sphere to You
3. The Soothing Chamomiles of Kimi ni Todoke and Toshokan Sensou

Of Afterglows and Afterglooms

The week-long camp is over, and right now I’m feeling both the afterglow and the aftergloom of the said experience.

It was great, a clear sign that I am officially back on track with my life, back from being a lost little backslider sheep. During that short span of time I got close to a number of people, and felt my whole world expand in the process. Meeting people from all over the country who shares your belief was a joy; meeting people who are also friends and acquaintances of my baka aniki#2 made it even more rewarding, as it bridged the gap between us siblings (and no it’s not simply because he shouldered my camp fee). Not completely just yet, but getting there. Not to mention my brother was like my cheat sheet into getting acquainted with some of the delegates since I could be so conveniently introduced as “baka aniki #2’s sister” (since my brother is quite active in this nationwide event, being one of the coordinators for the past years or so), and they would go “Oh! you’re [baka aniki#2]’s sister!” yep, that’s me! *flash smile* But I digress.

With all the activities in the camp — the games, messages from our guest speakers, devotional study time and all that — I was once again reminded of how it feels like to be part of something BIG (the aniblogging community made me feel this too), grandeur but humbling at the same time.

The afterglow of the event was, in short, THIS.

After more than a decade of dormancy, my Murasaki kokoro no tamago (or should I say, Magister kokoro no tamago?) has become alive again (like omg I can strike a conversation with people? Make them laugh? Steer my way into conversations so as to not feel out of place?), and it’s apparent in my bubbly genki self. Some people would probably find it hard to believe that I was once a very aloof girl. Or so that’s what this one guy — who laughed at me when I told him I’m actually shy and aloof and not really good at socializing — thought. Well, that’s a good sign I guess, though I’d say remarks like this shows how that person doesn’t know me down to the core [of my inferior self].

Feels like I’ve been picking up shards of my lost confidence in the recent years, allowing me to step out of my overly self-conscious shell, slowly but surely. But time and again, my gloomy self creeps in, and I revert back to the irresolute aloof nerdy wallflower I used to be — confidence crushed, sense of existence shrunk, unable to assert myself and show my true face. That, or I turn into a snot-nosed elitist brat who trash talks people in her mind, soiling them in the confines of her skewed head (and to think I only have one *ahem*). Needless to say, I found myself in this situation (or these situations) in the camp — the aftergloom of the whole experience, which happens as my inferior introvert shadow kicks in and gets the better of me.

The Inferior Introvert Shadow Lurking Within, and Without

Introverts have a knack for observing — observing people, observing their surroundings — and at times, this becomes a double-edged sword. On one hand we’re able to think wisely and reflect before any decision, and, on the other, we end up overthinking that it hampers our actions. In my case I ended up prejudiced against some people who I thought weren’t exactly in the camp for the right reasons — guys who seem to be hitting on the beautiful single ladies (because, y’know, this camp is like the perfect opportunity to find a mate, since it’s a [Filipino-]Chinese Christian Camp and all), people texting/SMS-ing in the middle of a solemn message from the pastor, people shouting/”singing” during the singspiration which makes me uncertain as to whether they’re really feeling the songs and want you to LISTEN TO THEIR SONG, or they’re just doing it for the lulz, to attract attention, “singing” the song without their soul — and it clouded my perception of them.

There are also those who I judged based on their answers in one Ice Breaker Q&A session, some of whom made me question their faith, and others who generally made me doubt the sincerity of their answers.

No matter what excuses I give, no matter how much I try concealing these vile thoughts trapped in my mind, what’s done is done. I judged them, I soiled them. Even when I’m not supposed to have the right to judge anyone just like that. The least I can do is to not let this consume me and be open to the possibility that I’ll be proven wrong once I’ve gotten to know these people better. If I turn out to be right, then I owe it to them to show my true face and not be a hypocrite, tell them what I want to say, and not pretend to like them when I really don’t. Unless I admit to my mistakes and take responsibility for my actions, there’s no way I can be redeemed from my sins. As Harold Sala says, responsibility and redemption are two sides of the same coin.

2DT said in his comment that “the tightrope walk between feeling superior and feeling soul-crushingly lonely is something all us geeks deal with.” True that, though in my case, it’s more of the tightrope between feeling superior and inferior, as opposed to just loneliness. I have walked the said tightrope, and I still do, stumbling every now and then. This isn’t anything surprising, considering I haven’t even reached Magister-level metamorphosis, which, pardon me for generalizing, makes me even more prone to lapses compared to the more evolved version of myself. Operation: Rebuild Self-confident Naritai Jibun is still in progress, and it helps to know that I am (not) alone. But I digress yet again.

Back in the camp, there were activities which required us to work as a team. In an ideal scenario, teamwork would flourish; each of the members are united in one goal, working together hand-in-hand, tralalala happy desu~ But sadly, this was not the case. We had a competent leader, but with the pressure, the time constraint especially, it’s easy to fall into the trap of taking the spirit of teamwork and fun for granted, favoring competitiveness, stressfulness, or what have you. The assertive ones contribute their ideas, which can either be overpowered by the opinion of even more assertive members, or accepted by the team. Some voices end up drowned in the sea of ideas, and are left with no choice but to conform despite their silent protests.

The activity turned out to be fun, for the most part. Some of my teammates were such a joy to work with; despite the whole tension present as we were practicing for the cheer-dance “competition”, they remained cool, calm and composed, cracking jokes every now and then. We learned to poke fun at our very own situation, following each complaint we’d make with “submit to authority, people~” (since this was one of the main topics tackled in our devotional study). In the end, though, I can’t help but feel alienated from the team. The kind of feeling where all of us would want to hug each other after the performance, win or lose, was just… not there. I could’ve hugged some of my teammates who made me feel I was really part of the team, but in a holistic Team Spirit Hug sense, not quite.

I can’t really blame anyone else but myself for not being assertive enough to instill a change within the team, to turn the tide of pressure into a wave of positive change, for the real deal epic teamwork. Actually, I thought I already was capable of this, or so that’s how it seemed like at work where I’ve grown to be competent and able to work well in a team. But now I realize that I owe this mostly to my colleagues who are great team players, with leaders humble enough to listen to what the other members have to say, and members who are willing to lend a hand for the achievement of the team’s goals — No one left behind, members supporting other members — teamwork and love abounds.

Exposed to a different environment, and I become a fish out the water, crippled more than ever. And this isn’t the only time it happened in the camp.

Based from my experience, or recent developments in my life, I can safely say that I can talk to just about anyone, EXCEPT, those who have this hostile aura around them that I can’t seem to break; the kind of people who put up some sort of wall, leaves you wondering if they just want you to care enough to knock it down, or because they don’t really like you (and no they don’t want you to convince themselves otherwise either). More often than not, when I sense that these people are unwelcoming of my presence (which I come to conclude after several failed attempts at having a conversation), I get intimidated. No matter how much I want to break the ice and have a friendly conversation, I end up unable to do so. Instead I freeze, chicken out, and realize just how powerless I am. I want to chat up, but it feels like they want me to chut up instead, so what am I to do?

Perhaps I’m just not used to dealing with this kind of situation, trying to strike a conversation with someone and it doesn’t quite flow because he/she doesn’t seem the least bit interested in talking to me. At one point I’d wonder if there’s anything I did wrong, or anything I did that didn’t sit well with this person, why I’m being ignored; but after a while — to save me from any more agony — I just tell myself, “well, if this person is not interested in talking to me, then fine. Whatever. And nothing of value was lost.” But the whole tension — the barrier of ice that I still want to break — remains. And before I knew it, I’ve become my old overly self-conscious and inferior self again.

Up until now I still wonder, what’s the best thing to do in situations like this? Do I simply respect these people’s personal space by refraining myself from talking to them? Should I not be affected? Should I not care? Should I not go the extra mile of befriending them, attempt to break the wall, despite the possibility of being rejected over and over? And what if the said person is actually friendly and close to other people, including my own friends, but not to me?

I’m no Magister; I’m no Nagaoka either. I don’t have the charisma that these people have; I’m not able to make friends with just about anyone, irregardless of who they are (in the genuinely-befriending people sense, not the one wrapped in hypocrisy). I’m judgmental, and I’m also a coward.

But the thing is, people like Magister and Nagaoka weren’t born overnight. I’m not sure about Nagaoka since we didn’t see much of his back story, but Magister… we see her evolve from her gloomy self to this wonderful woman brimming with confidence and cheerfulness. And if she could do it, then so can I, right? Yeah yeah, feel free to laugh at me for looking up to a 2D character as my role model.

Magister is not perfect, neither is Nagaoka, Kurosawa and Kitahara, and neither is every single person on the face of this earth. There’s no such thing as a perfect human being, and 100% evolution is not effin’ possible either. We were born as flawed human beings, each with his/her own strengths and weaknesses; We go through this cycle called life, we learn to overcome some of these weaknesses and develop even more strengths. Consequently, we also develop even more weaknesses and lose some of the strengths we used to have throughout this course. But that’s the great thing about it. We were designed to be weak so we’d learn to not simply rely on ourselves, so that we may be humbled in everything that we do.

Trials and challenges in life never ends, but so does our ability to evolve. We might regress, but for sure, we can always progress, for as long as we choose to.

“Like courage, confidence is not the absence of fear, but rather, taking action or moving forward in spite of it.” There’s a whole slew of factors affecting one’s development of self-confidence, not to mention different personalities each person is born with or acquire as he/she gets older. But in the end, it all boils down to having courage — taking little steps of courage in each and everything that we do. Many times, the answer to problems in life is but simple, but as we run away from our fears and choose not to deal with it head-on, we make things seem more complicated than it really is. Why though? The workings of the human mind is complex indeed, complex yet simple at the same time.

The Answer Lies Within

Through the course of writing this post, I think I’ve found the answers to the questions I posed (doesn’t mean I need your insights less, so please don’t hesitate to share your thoughts!). Try as I might, I can’t expect all people to like me. That’s wishful thinking; a delusion that’ll only make me a people-pleaser hypocrite. I don’t want to be hated, no one wants to be hated. But that doesn’t mean I should let this fear hold me back from doing what I want, from showing who I really am. I should never ever let fear be the basis of any of my decisions. I owe it to myself to show my true face; whether people end up hating or disliking me is another thing, but in the end, that won’t change my worth as a person, for as long as I’m confident and secure with who I am.

More than wanting to be liked by people, what I should strive for is to get the real me out of its shell, no fears, no doubts. Moments of awkward silence in talking to people — especially with those I barely know — is inevitable. I’d also have to keep in mind that each and everyone has his/her own unique personality; just because I am able to talk to some people so easily doesn’t mean it’ll be the same for others, and just because a certain person responds differently compared to the rest of the people I’ve interacted with doesn’t mean I’m hated or that there’s anything wrong with me.

Some might seem naturally gifted with the ability to effortlessly talk to people (a people-magnet), but in the end it’s all about confidence, and having a genuine interest to connect to people (if that’s what I really want). And it can be developed. Those who are so secure with their identity (and have that right balance of confidence and humility) will have little or no problems in dealing with other people because they’ve got far less concerns than those who aren’t; they’re not afraid of making blunders, they couldn’t care less what people think about them, and with less things to worry about, they’re able to enjoy just about every moment of they’re life — may it be in the company of friends, strangers, or even the lack of company. They’re able to show their unmasked selves without worrying about anything.

And this has digressed into a How to Win Friends and Influence People ripoff of a post, hoo boy. So much for being carried away. Anyways.

Despite whatever I say here, I’m sure to experience stumbling blocks along the way — stumble and fall, eat my own words, etc. — but with every stumbling block comes the opportunity to rise up again, and become a stronger and better individual in the process. Forever in pursuit of the lost shards of my confidence I shall be, all for the sake of rebuilding my True Blue Naritai Jibun. And who knows, I might just be able to become a Catcher in the Rye in the process

Brief Afterword

Writing posts for Onani Master Kurosawa as though squirting my juice all over it, not wiping a single trace of my cum shots for people to see the magnificent stage of my performance(s). This is my justice. FEELS SO GOOD.

Related posts:

1. The Cumming-of-age of Onani Master Kurosawa. And I Came Buckets.

Just recently, an officemate of mine (somewhat of a neechan figure to me, though we’re not that close) lost her father to cancer. Like most (all?) cancer cases, it was a long and painful process. She had to take long leaves from work to tend to her dad, be by his side as he undergoes chemotherapy or whatever treatment, hoping and praying that at the end of it all, her whole family will see her dad all well again.

After 5 months of the fight against cancer, what they’ve been fearing the most finally happened — the battle was “lost”. My officemate SMS-ed me that fateful morning her dad passed away — and all I could do was stare at my cellphone in silence. I didn’t know what to say. Saying words of condolences would seem pretty standard, but right at that moment I realized how callous it’d be if I did so. Just the thought of saying “I’m sorry to hear that…”, or “I’m deeply saddened by the news…” makes me want to puke, because it’d filled with hypocrisy. I don’t even know if I really feel sad over the loss of my officemate. She’s grieving over her dad, it’s a tough time for her, she must be in pain… is what I know, but I doubt I’ll ever understand the pain she’s going through.

Some people have the gift of empathy, I know I don’t, especially not with Real People. I find myself empathizing with 2D characters I’ve grown to love (and mourning over their death) than my very own relatives, acquaintances, and friends. Granted, I have yet to experience the loss of someone very very dear to me, like my mom, my siblings, my aunts and uncles, my super close friends and officemates — and perhaps that’s it. You won’t grieve over someone’s death unless you know or feel the ‘loss’ that comes with it, not unless you actually cared for the person in the first place. “…unfair as it is that the more you become happy for something, the more you’ll be saddened by its loss”, as I’ve mentioned a bit about before.

Many times, I’d feel mortified at not feeling sad over someone’s death as much as I want to. ‘Have I become that callous?’, I’d ask myself. Time and again, I’d wonder if I’d weep over my dad’s death, considering how I think of him as a failure of a father. What loss would I feel when he’s no longer around when I never really felt his presence? I don’t recall a single word of wisdom or advice from him, nor any father-and-daughter-talk for that matter, so what memories would I have once he’s no longer here? Material gifts? Bitter memories?

I’d most likely weep; in fact, I’m already crying at the moment, lamenting at the thought that I would not feel sad over his death. I’d probably cry — cry for those whom my father helped in his lifetime, for my grandmother who loves him sooo much, for my aunts and uncles (his brothers and sisters) whom he cared for, a lot more than his own family even.

Is it unbecoming of a Christian to not grieve over someone’s death? Does my inability to mourn over this loss mean that I haven’t completely forgiven my father? Ahhh I’m rambling too much.

Our pastor mentioned last Friday that speaking / giving Pastoral message during memorial services is one of the things he’s not comfortable of doing. He will never understand how it’s like to lose a loved one, not unless he is in the shoes of the one who’s experiencing the said loss. He’d be prone to mentioning things that would simply attest to the fact that he doesn’t understand, and the mourners could simply tell him “How dare you say that! You won’t understand how it feels like to lose someone you love!”, and he won’t be able to complain, because it’s true. This is exactly how I felt with what happened to my officemate, and so I ended up not replying to her message at all.

I remember my ultimate insensitivity back in high school when my classmate’s brother died from a motorcycle accident. Her brother was rumored to be on drugs, suspected to be the cause of the accident, and I was insensitive enough to even ask her at the wake if the said rumor is true — OH BROTHER.

Without doubt, I had 0% sensitivity back then. So what if the rumor is true, will that even matter at that time? My classmate was grieving over the death of the brother that she so loves, no drug rumor will ever change that. And despite whatever rumors, the fact remains that her brother is dead — and that’s it. Someone’s life has come to an end, in spirit he might be with her, but in the physical sense, not a chance — you can’t see them, touch them, talk to them, spend time with them in the truest sense of the word.

I believe in life after death, I believe in heaven — but that doesn’t mean I would/should grieve over someone’s death a lot less.

For some people, death is freedom. I know my grandmother thinks that way. Two of her sons died, and each day she’ll be asking herself why they had to die first before her. Throughout her lifetime, she’s been serving her family — us. Up until this time, at the age of 76, she still cooks for us, organizes the stuff in the house (because I’m a disorganized mess), and while perhaps, she finds fulfillment in serving people, she’d constantly complain about how difficult it is to live each day and do whatever she’s doing. “I’ll be better off dead”, she’d say, often at the brink of her getting mad at me for staying out late and causing her endless worries.

Me and my brothers get exasperated over her grumpiness every so often, even if we can understand why she acts the way she does. But for sure, despite her bitchiness and her skewed sense of logic, her presence will be missed once she’s gone. Perhaps she’s taking care of us out of a sense of obligation, to feed her egotism, but perhaps, she really cares for our welfare too. She’s like the pillar of our family, the main reason why our clan remains intact up until now. I can’t imagine how life would be once she’s no longer around, and I don’t even want to think about it. The same goes for my mom, brothers and sister, relatives, and friends.

So back to the question, how does one deal with death? To be honest, I don’t know. One simple answer would be to learn to let go, but that’s easier said than done. If you tell that to a grieving person without even feeling sad for him/her, sorry to say but you’re an insensitive bastard. The same goes for people who end up “spiritualizing” things, like telling you that “everything will be alright because he’ll be in heaven for sure” without even trying to understand the pain you’re going through.

All things happen for a purpose, and we’d only realize that once we take a step back and try to see things from a broader perspective. And I’m not sure if you’d agree with me on this one, but I think we ought to feel sad over these things, we SHOULD go through the phase of mourning — it’s painful, but simply shows that we cared enough for that certain someone to feel a sense of loss over his/her death.

How does one deal with the death of a loved one? Some people end up living in atonement, like Balsa of Seirei no Moribito; some people live to fulfill the dreams of their beloved, like Carl of UP.

What should we do when someone we love passes away? Perhaps, the answer is but simple, perhaps it’s as Kou said…

…perhaps all we have to do is cry. Admit that we feel the pain, and then, move on…

Credits to tono and Tsukushi Akihito for the wonderful fanarts. I want to credit the artist for the second fanart, but unfortunately, I can’t find the artist’s name, or pixiv account. Do tell if you know, thanks in advance

Related posts:

1. THE WORLD SHOULD JUST BREAK: How’s it Like Being a Mirai with No ‘mirai’
2. Tokyo Tower is Not Overrated, You Are

For someone named “Mirai”, she sure doesn’t have much hope in the “future”, or more like, she doesn’t even know what that future is supposed to be. She’s discontented with her life at present, but she doesn’t really know what she wants. Confusing huh?

“How do you see yourself 10 years from now”

Mirai found herself mulling over this for the better part of episode 1, and all that she can think of is what she doesn’t want to be, what she hates in this world. She hasn’t found her NARITAI JIBUN yet so the image of her ‘future self’ is still fuzzy, and I can imagine her racking her brains trying to figure out what the heck she’s going to write in her summer assignment if the Tokyo Magnitude 8.0 never happened.

Personally speaking, this is one of those essay-writing activities that I really loathed back in elementary, high school even, second to its “What I Did Last Summer” counterpart. I usually end up spouting a lot of cheesy crap when writing these essays, quoting stuff here and there despite not knowing what the heck I’m saying. But hey, we were just teens then, and teen writing sucks (thanks to coburn and Cuchlann for bringing this post to my attention via GRSI). So it’s totally understandable. *nods*

Many of us can relate with Mirai, I know I can, by a WHOLE LOT. We’ve most likely been through that stage (or still going through it) — the disenchantment stage, trapped in the limbo of childhood and adulthood, the time when you started “hating” anything and everything; you keep on thinking that things aren’t working out the way you want, when in fact you don’t even know what you want or who you really are — you lacked understanding, there’s so much that you don’t know, but you were too prideful to admit it, or too lost to come into terms with that simple fact.

There’s a lot that Mirai should be thankful for at present, a loving brother, being able to study in a prestigious school, friends, or even the lack of hostile classmates. Her mom and dad might not be there constantly for her and Yuuki because of their work, but the openness in their family is something to be envious about. I couldn’t even talk to my dad the way she does, let alone complain upfront to my mom and dad whenever they have their stupid petty fights.

But as the ones before me have said, Mirai’s behavior is but understandable, nothing surprising with a 13-year old kid being selfish and narrow-minded, right? Though of course, that doesn’t mean her bitchy behavior can be excused. But otou-san has already explained much about the Mirai’s true face (or her HONTOU no JIBUN), and she has very well redeemed herself in episode 5 so no need to expound on that

The Mirai In Me (or you can also say Me-rai *ba dum psh*)

*** Real Life dorama flashback sequence alert *** ~cue cheesy dramatic flashback BGM~

Back in the day I would always envy my classmates’ parents because they didn’t set High-Bar Expectations for their kids, far unlike mine (my father in particular). Just being in the Top Ten was enough of a reason for them to Celebrate!!, while I was required to be on TOP. And of course, there’s nothing to celebrate about that — when I get to the top, I’m just doing as per required, if not — SHAME ON ME. My mom would give me presents in celebration for my triumph, but I always felt it wasn’t enough, not without the recognition from my father, who, despite not really being there as I was growing up, still affected me that much. I grew up from being a friendly assertive and outspoken Murasaki to an apathetic Shinkurou, and I conveniently pinned the blame on my dad.

Up until college I still had that kind of mindset, albeit on a lesser scale, because I found another scapegoat: our thesis leader who “crushed my pride and made me realize how incompetent I am”, after my Blooming Frosh Year. It all started with one Rat In A Maze project where I decided to take the easy way out by joining the group where my geeky superhuman classmate was part of, so I could take it easy and still get High Grades. Boy did I regret that decision, though it’s now a life lesson I shall never forget. I ended up doing almost nothing for the said project because I felt really lost, like THE rat in a maze. I ended up with a spunky 4.0 but close to 0.0 sense of accomplishment.

But things didn’t stop there. Like a willing puppet I continued to team up with our Great Leader and even became part of his thesis group, excelling in other subjects while feeling miserable as I work on our thesis without much sense of achievement. I graduated with flying colors, but it was overshadowed by the incompetence I felt as I went through college under the wing of our “leader”. I couldn’t even feel proud of the graduation distinction I earned because it’s like I “cheated” my way through college, despite how I worked hard for the rest of the subjects.

Looking back, I realize just how much time I wasted brooding over my life all those years, when in fact, I WASN’T DOING ANYTHING ABOUT IT. When I felt “lost” in our thesis that I can’t even explain the whole philosophy behind our project, I didn’t even go the extra mile to acquaint myself with the system we were making. While our “leader” was at fault for developing about 80% of our thesis project, consulting our thesis advisers without even telling his other groupmates [aka us], I shouldn’t have given up so easily; I should’ve done something to recover from the “sense of incompetence” I felt as I simply stood speechless during our thesis defenses because I felt as if I didn’t have anything worthy to say. All the while I was resigning to my “fate”, conveniently blaming people when things go wrong, when things get f*cked up [from the way I saw it].

In short, I DIDN’T HAVE THE RIGHT TO BITCH ABOUT MY LIFE.

Mirai’s life would’ve turned into a total angst fest, even worse than mine, had the Great Earthquake not happened and opened her eyes to reality — swallowing her little worries as she realizes how insignificant they are compared to what people are facing in this time of crisis, and the little joys people cling to despite this tumultuous time.

Beneath the Aftershocks and Beyond~!

Aside from opening our eyes to the reality of an earthquake crisis (and I’d like to think there are even far worse calamities than this), behind the shambles, tremors and aftershocks, I believe, is this message: Don’t bitch about your life when you’re not really doing anything to make it better; You can’t expect things to happen on its own, you can’t expect people to be mind readers and know exactly what you want without you telling them either. If you think your life/fate is f*cked up, then ROW ROW FIGHT YOUR OWN FATE.

More importantly, don’t ever forget to live each day in gratefulness. It’d be sad if we grow up to become apathetic / ungrateful pessimistic bastards. Even Tokyo Magnitude 8.0 producer Noriko Ozaki mentioned as she explains the motivation behind Tokyo Magnitude 8.0 that “…people live each day without even being aware (or being grateful) of the blessings that each new day brings” [despite the announcements made by the Government Earthquake Research Institude of the 70% chance that an earthquake with a magnitude greater than 7.0 could hit Tokyo in 30 years time, people aren't the least bit alarmed about it, she says]

There’s this one quote from Grey’s Anatomy which I saw once on TV and has been stuck in my mind ever since: “It’s good to be scared. It means you still have something to lose.” Even something so negative as fear can be something to be grateful for

There are things in life that are far beyond our control, things/people/events we can only do so much to change — the parents we’ve had since birth, the people we interact with on a daily basis, disasters like this earthquake, among others. And what really matters in the end is how we steer our lives despite these ‘external forces’, how we’re going to drive through the bumpy road of life so it can still be a ’smooth driving’ experience. How we remain intact despite the crumbling world around us, hopeful despite everything.

Oh boy did I get carried away or what… so much for rambling .__.; * hands a cookie to whoever reads this till the end *

Related posts:

1. Mirage of Mirai and Dr.Chiba: When Dreams Meet Reality (Tokyo Magnitude 8.0 8)
2. Tokyo Magnitude 8.0 07 – YUUKI CANNOT DIE
3. Tokyo Magnitude 8.0 8 – Can We Handle The Truth, Like Seriously?

First, a question to those who watched the G.I.Joe movie, how did you find it? Was it awesome? Was it bad? Did it make you RAEG? Did it make you cry?

I ask this because last Sunday, I watched G.I.Joe on the big screen, and thanks to the comments I’ve seen on twitter, I knew what I was in for. If you ask me how I found it, I’d say I enjoyed it, but for the wrong reasons. I left the cinema laughing, trying to imitate ze French traitor guy and his weerd accent and mouth geeesture. I was trolling the movie (because it’s just begging to be trolled), laughing at the sudden keyword-triggered dramatic flashbacks, laughing at the whole “HAHA! You thought I was dead but no!” revive revival plot device used [without even an inch of foreshadowing, which made it all the more lulz], the “Sensei’s new pupil beat me I am a failure at life and I must be evulll!” plot device, etc.

I mentioned this to my Dear Officemates, but unfortunately, I got an eyebrow-raise and a “Your expectations are too high” retort, because “enjoying something for the wrong reason” simply means my expectation was skewed in the first place, amirite?

After watching, I tweeted the sarcastic “wow G.I.Joe is like the KEWLEST MOVIE EVER MAN, like whatever… lulz” I mean, you’ve got these awesome Nanomites which can be used in the field of medical science, in weaponry, puppetry(?), and in Plastic Surgery — the ultimate revolutionary technology! Kewl right? Now one officemate of mine who saw my tweet thought I was being angry [again] at G.I.Joe, and another officemate who saw my message in facebook replied: “huwag kang magulo” –> translation: “STFU you wet-blanket fag.” (exaggeration intentional) OMG I am a wet-blanket I FAIL AT LIFE BAWWW /wrist [I still love y'all, but you know I won't back down without a fight!]

Doujou kyoukan~! ;__;

Had I been all the more defensive of my “stance” (it was enjoyable, but you can’t deprive me of the right to point out its weaknesses t(’_'t) ), the whole “debacle” would’ve turned into a pile of mess like this (edited screenshot – will popup in its own window; original website link here):

I’d say I found G.I.Joe enjoyable, but that would be clouded by the fact that I was spouting all the lulz and trolling remarks. Officemate(s) would point that I’m an ass for expecting some deep sh*t storyline from G.I.Joe, and in defense I would say that just because it’s G.I.Joe doesn’t mean you can overlook its flaws, that just because it’s fun doesn’t mean you can’t poke fun at it on its own expense. Just because you found G.I.Joe 100% fun doesn’t mean you’re any better than those who sees its “objective crappyness”, and vice versa. Just because you enjoyed watching G.I.Joe and its “trainwreck quality” didn’t irk you doesn’t mean you’re any better than those who didn’t.

People are divided over G.I.Joe, just like how it was with Transformers, and I can see why. On one hand you have the pro-faction who enjoyed the movie, and the con-faction who criticized the film for its brainlessness. And somewhere in between you also have the group of people who thought the movie was a trainwreck but enjoyed it nonetheless, or those who enjoyed it for the lulz, “for the wrong reasons”. And somewhere deeper in there you have people pointing fingers at the opposing faction and consider that opinion to be “WRONG” — the group of people I love to hate.

No opinion is wrong, but it irks me to bits when someone holds on to absolutes or are in the extreme leftist or rightist side that they fail to see the balanced opinion that lies somewhere in the middle, refusing to see where the other side is coming from, oftentimes the root of stupid arguments — too prideful to acknowledge the truth in other people’s opinions, just because it differs from theirs. Going back to G.I.Joe, as others before me have said, it didn’t boast of a compelling praiseworthy storyline (it was “flat”), it’s full of cliches, it’s a trainwreck, BUT you can’t deny that it’s FUN. (Or You can also say that “it’s fun, but it’s full of cliches etc.” depending on your point-of-view, see it as half-full or half-empty, I guess my opinion rubbed my officemates the wrong way because it seemed like I was seeing things from the half-empty POV)

Completely Relevant ^_~

Situations like this always brings me back to Toshokan Sensou. At that time I really thought that the naysayers “analyzing” and treating Toshokan Sensou as SRS BSNS were wet blankets and that their opinion were skewed (lol), but looking back, I can see that those people were simply stating the truth. They just let it ruin their enjoyment, that’s the difference. Even Kabitzin pokes fun at the plot holes, he just didn’t let it affect his overall perception. And considering there were other redeeming factors going for it — the characters are <3 and the raburabu is <3 -- the plot holes could be forgiven, but we know it's still there. I still love Toshokan Sensou despite the "absurdity" of the plot and the half-baked elements. But I digress.

While I can't blame my officemates for shutting me up because I would "dampen their fun", I would've gained a lot more respect for them if they actually tried to see where I was coming from instead of stamping "You're No Fun, You're Wrong, GTFO" on my opinion. Or maybe they're just pissing me off on purpose because they know how defensive I can be, whatever. In the end, it's all about balance~ As I was scourging for G.I.Joe reviews around the net I came across these two posts, “Six Ways the GI Joe Movie Could Be Better Than Transformers 2″ and “G.I. Joe will make Michael Bay jealous”, respectively.

I really like how both these posts acknowledged the “crappyness” of G.I.Joe while not overlooking its fun factor at the same time (and LOL @ how G.I.Joe is even better than Transformers 2 XD), they’re both there in the first place! Objectivity is a tricky tricky thing, and though it might not really exist (since everything is subjective), I’d like to think that looking at both sides of the spectrum in arguments before coming up with your own conclusion would lead you one step closer to the said “objectivity”.

Truth be told, the reason why I’m so butthurt and letdown by G.I.Joe: Rise of the Cobra is because of the utter lack of Channing Tatum MANSERVICE. That would’ve easily redeemed for his lacklustre performance (Marlon Wayans as Ripcord and Rachel Nichols as ‘Scarlett’ were the ones who shone in this movie) or saved this movie from being a total trainwreck. Talk about how to waste a guy’s hawtness! Curse you, Stephen Sommers! Learn to pander to your female audience next time (learn from the Human Torch hawt pandering 101)! t(^_^t)

Credits to Shuuichi and Kazui for the wonderful IkuXDoujou Toshosen fanarts.

Related posts:

1. Rationalizing the Retarded

Props to otou-san for writing this awesome H&C post. Eternal, too, though that’s one monster of a post I vowed not to read until I’ve actually rewatched H&C and truly appreciate it for what it’s worth.

The first time I watched Honey and Clover was August 2006, as I remember it, basking in 2-3 eps a day in my hotel room in Cebu after work during my first business trip, glued to the screen of my laptop whilst my roommates are busy playing DoTA; not exactly understanding what was going on through the lives of Takemoto, Morita, Mayama, Yamada, Hagu, Morita, Shuu, and Rika, but knowing enough to realize that there’s so much more to the show than how I was seeing it back then.

On September 2006 came H&C II, but I knew well I wasn’t ready for it, so I stopped halfway through my viewing. Now it’s August 2009, exactly 3 years after my first H&C encounter, and suffice so say, a lot has happened since then — from meeting Seleria and starting out blogging, growing in and out of it, both within the confines of the blog and beyond it, as an anime fan, as a woman, as a person; juggling with work and life, not knowing who I am and what I really want, then eventually, discovering how vast this world is, realizing how one little emotion can bring the best and worst in you, make you feel you’re on top of the world at one point, devastated on the other. Err– apologies for my emo rambling.

The main reason why otou-san’s post resonated with me so much is because it dealt about ‘letting go’, something that hits really close to home considering what I’ve been through and what I’m still going through at this point. There’s a chapter in my life that I thought was over, like THE HELL I’M OVER AND DONE WITH THIS, but no… it’s a slow and steady process, the healing. It’s not something that would happen overnight, no matter how much conviction you put into that decision. Time and again you’d look back, and for sure, beyond the bitter memories are those of fond ones that you’d cherish for the rest of your life, and as much as you’d hate to admit it, shaped you as you are now.

One reason why it’s so hard to let go is because of our selfish ego-centric nature; we can be so used to having things our way, we want things to happen the way we want, then go Q_Q BAWWW when it doesn’t. We want to hold on to “What Ifs” — What If I’m THE ONE, What If he’s THE ONE, What If THIS is the Best Route for me, etc. But life doesn’t work that way. You can’t be selfish and narrow-minded and expect to get the Best Ending to life. “[The characters'] ability to ‘let go’ is directly proportional to how much they grow as people”, as otou-san has keenly observed. In letting go, we realize that it’s in this act of ’selflessness’ that we grow and become fulfilled as people, realizing that love is not about how much a person receives but by how much one gives, and most of all, realizing that it’s in letting go that we come to discover how vast the world is, compared to that puny little thing we’ve been holding on to. “It’s in dying that we learn how to live” kind of thing. A sweet surrender, letting go of things beyond your control.

We used to believe in fairy tales and happily-ever-after stories back when we were little, but once we grow up and experience stumbling blocks, we come to realize just how seemingly impossible a “happy ending” is, and we become jaded. And at times, even “hell” becomes a “viable” option — we become short-sighted, we hold on to things despite despite knowing how much it’s going to hurt us, we hold on to “temporal” things. But the thing is, there is that heaven at the end of the road, and we’ll only come to see it once we learn how to “let go”.

At the end of his post, otou-san asks, “might H&C help you move on from something?”. There’s only one way to found out, isn’t it?

Shall we say, let a ‘new generation’ of Honey and Clover circle-jerk begin?

Related posts:

1. Beyond the Blogging Crossroad II: The Woman on the Mirror
2. THE WORLD SHOULD JUST BREAK: How’s it Like Being a Mirai with No ‘mirai’

I remember the time when the term ‘overrated’ first got to my nerves, and it was back when the Skip Beat anime was airing. I thought of how elitist this is, as you show the world that something a LOT of people are enjoying doesn’t really deserve the attention it’s getting, or that your opinion deviates from a lot of people, I vs the mainstream fags. News flash: You’re being a wet blanket to those who pour out their love and attention to it when you do that.

At times I find myself using this very term, and to be honest, it saddens me when that happens, because it seems like I’ve outgrown part of my childhood and can’t join in the fun of a certain bandwagon, like, say, Pokemon or Yu-Gi-Oh, and even, gawd, Vampire Knight. Growing up and being reasonable about your taste isn’t exactly worth rejoicing, especially if you end up hating what you used to like, and that’s how I feel about Vampire Knight now — disenchantment, is what I’d call it.

And once again, I see the term used, this time to describe Tokyo Tower, in a comment by X10A_Freedom in ghostlightning’s Tokyo Magnitude 8.0 post, and it makes me a really sad bunny. When you no longer see Tokyo Tower (or any other thing around you) as something beautiful, I hate to say this, but you become more like the jaded apathetic Mirai. How this person sees Tokyo Tower now is actually the way I see the sights in my country, particularly in my hometown Bicol and in Manila.

Seeing my college classmates have that sense of awe as they marvel at the sight of the Cagsawa ruins or other churches we visited crushes my heart, because it makes me realize how apathetic I have become (Imagine Mirai going, “betsu ni~ (nothing great)” or “futsuu~” (too normal / nothing special)). The sights might not really be wow-worthy, but if you retain that sense of wonder for it, I’m happy for you.

As for Tokyo Tower, well let’s just say I gained much more appreciation for it after watching the AWSUM movie ALWAYS ~Sunset on Third Street~, as I witnessed how this landmark became the pillar of hope back in the 1950s where people are starting out a new life after the war. It was a sign of a new era in Japan — an era of hopes and dreams, an era of a bright future (a bright ‘mirai’). They built Tokyo Tower with the ambition of making it the TALLEST tower in the world, and other towers might have ‘outgrown’ it now, but you can’t take away the fact that it was successful back in its time. Having known its significance made me all the more realize that TOKYO TOWER IS BEAUTIFUL.

Have you, dear sir X10A_Freedom, went to see Tokyo Tower at night and seen how pretty it is? Or even this isn’t pretty for you? But I digress.

I haven’t watched Tokyo Magnitude 8.0 episode 4, but if Tokyo Tower — THE pillar of Tokyo, pillar of communication and observation, pillar of hope — collapsed in that episode, then indeed, it serves nothing else but a statement that “Tokyo has died”, “Tokyo is broken”. And those who know well the significance this landmark bears will all the more mourn for its loss — unfair as it is that the more you become happy for something, the more you’ll be saddened by its loss, but hey that’s what makes us human! We get zealous over the simplest of things, just the sight of this one ordinary-looking Tokyo Tower is enough of a reason for us to rejoice and marvel at its sight, we mourn and grieve over it — a clear proof that WE ARE ALIVE.

In the end I just want to say that, something, or rather anything, can be beautiful not because IT IS * an irrefutable fact * or BECAUSE I SAID SO, but because I see in it something worth loving, something to be awed about. I want to live my life gaining a sense of wonder and appreciation for what that I see and experience as each days go by, retaining that child-like sense of wonder that Yuuki has, to gain appreciation even for the littlest of things, to be optimistic and live life to the fullest. For a bright ‘mirai’.

Yuuki wo dashite, ippo fumidaseba, Mirai ga kaerareru! (Take _courage_! Changing the _future_ starts with one little step!) Just a random little quote that popped into my mind as I thought of the significance of Yuuki and Mirai’s name.

On a totally unrelated note, there’s a very interesting debate (more interesting than my post OBV) going on around the other side of the ’sphere, and while I’m pretty apathetic about it atm, I’d say go check it out, just because ^_^ Or for something even more fun, go check out CCY-senpai wa 17-sai, the brainchild visual novel of lolikit, featuring the infamous faces in the aniblogging community. If you still aren’t into the aniblogging community this might as well be your “gateway”

Credits to torigoe takumi and reachizu, and danbooru for the images.

Related posts:

1. Tokyo Magnitude 8.0 8 – Can We Handle The Truth, Like Seriously?
2. The Silly Things We Do in Tokyo Tower
3. Tokyo Magnitude 8.0 07 – YUUKI CANNOT DIE

Man Cannot Live on Moe Alone

As otakus (or 2D moe fans), we (or rather NO YOU, GAIZ) can be prone to fall for moe girls in real life. I mean, it’s not so often that you’ll meet someone moe, resembles the 2D characters in animes that you really love, someone so adorable and animated and makes your heart go DOKIDOKI, amirite?! But common sense should dictate that there ought to be more to a girl than just moe to sustain a relationship. Moe, like beauty, is but skin deep. It can be said to refer to traits in characters which elicit feelings of ‘protectiveness’ from the wannabe knight-in-shining-armor viewers/bystanders, and wanting to protect something/someone != love. Loving a pet, more like it. Moe is another way of looking at the flaws of a character, turning the “not so ideal” into something adorable… makes you love a character despite her flaws, but question is, do you actually see the real-life moe girl for who she is?

Moe does not define a woman, in fact, it’s often said to be a feminist portrayal of women. It’s but icing on the cake, supposed to be found on top of the qualities that makes someone really admirable. It’s easy to fall for someone’s moeness, but in the end, what really matters is what comes after the moe (what you see once you’ve been rid of the rose-colored-glasses that sees nothing else but moe). So girls, the next time someone tells you they like you or asks you out because “you’re moe, and I like to know more about you IYKWIM“, it just goes to show how much the person doesn’t know about you, so reject or accept the offer with that in mind.

Control Your Pheromoenes

Given the premise that ‘guys can easily fall for moe’, and that ‘there’s more to girls than moe-ness’, girls would also have to do their fair share of pheromoene-controlling to avoid getting into any relationship with the wrong foot (and spare the souls of poor guys). If you want people to see that there’s more you than just being moe, then show them that GAR side that you’ve got! Kick them to the curb, smack some sense into them and make them see who’s got the balls! For someone to pursue you because of your moe-ness is an insult, so as much as possible, don’t show your moe-side unless you’re fully aware of its consequences.

If you wish to counter what I say here with a “But what if I’m not aware that I’m moe?!”, suit yourself, but self-awareness is always a good thing, just don’t let it get over your head.

It’s Not [Just] About the Otaboy/Otagirl

I remember there being a poll in RIUVA as to whether an otaku would want a fellow otaku to be his/her soul-mate (or whether or not an otaku would like to end up with a fellow otaku), and while I can’t exactly remember the results of the said poll, I’m sure there are many people who voted for “yes, give me an O-TA!”. Honestly though, I think that’s a silly, shallow and stupid trait to look for a future partner. While yes, it’s great to find that certain someone who understands your interests and even share in it too, there’s more to life than just anime, like hello this is the real world? Unless of course, your world revolves around nothing else but anime alone, because if so then good luck finding your perfect otaku mate! ain’t that NEET!

Not all people are lucky enough to be in the shoes of ghostlightning and his waifu, but do keep in mind that it’s not just “love for anime” that bound these two lovebirds together, but something far deeper. There are other things [than "love for anime"] that would make us “connect” and keep a relationship going strong in the long run — principles, ideals, core values, religion/faith, emotional and/or intellectual connection, among others, and if these don’t match, uhh forget the whole “connecting thru anime” criteria because that’s not gonna make up for the other “disconnects”. Sharing hobbies and interests is nothing else but icing on the cake, it was never meant to be the top criteria in a lasting relationship. While yes, sharing the said “love for anime” can possibly lead you to true love, and that despite whatever pessimism I utter here, there will always be exception to the rule, keep in mind that you are the rule, not the exception, and that there’s more to love than just having common interests.

Don’t Just Date

After one date, I found myself asking, why do people date again? I didn’t have a clue what I was getting myself into. Dating is said to be the way for us to “get to know each other”, so that you can see whether this certain guy is The One. But with the wrong mindset, it can be THE slippery slope to nosedive trainwreck. I mean, would dating, going out by yourselves to the movies, dining out, going to the arcade, etc. be enough to really get to know a person? “But relationship is all about enjoying each other’s company”, some would say, but how can you be certain that you’re genuinely enjoying each other’s company when you still don’t know each other all that well?

In order for two people to really get to know each other, it should be outside of the premise of any romantic relationship. That’s why they say a relationship should have friendship as its foundation, because it’s only through this “outside of romance” can we see who the person really is, rose-colored glasses off, enjoying even the mundane moments together, stinky side exposed and all, two people being totally honest and open to each other. The typical dating, in my opinion, creates this forced artificial/unnatural environment where two people seclude themselves from the rest of the world and “get to know each other” with what little they can see of each other, outside of what they really do normally. “Getting to know them when they go out with you” is more like it.

Granted, the effectiveness of dating as a means to getting to know one another depends on the people involved, how they approach dating, the boundaries they set, the activities they do, but the question is, how sure are you that the one you’re going out with is not just putting their best foot forward to impress you, that they’re really showing their unmasked self to you, when you barely know them (the same goes with you)? Dating doesn’t necessarily mean you already have the ‘relationship mindset’, yes, and that both of the people involved in the dating process are free to end the dating game whenever they want, but if, before any solid friendship is formed (or before any substantial ‘getting to know each other’), we head straight to the rabu rabu romance stuff, isn’t that getting to know each other a little too well and too fast?

You Might Be Wise, But You Can Also Be Proven Otherwise

For years, I thought I already had wise governance over my heart. I have often scorned my elementary and highschool classmates for their ‘lack of wisdom’ whenever I witnessed them getting into relationships with the wrong foot, especially when it leads to unexpected consequences. I already know what to do wisely to avoid this pitfall, theoretically-speaking, but alas, it’s completely different when you’re already the one in the situation, especially when everything is new. Like a child suddenly left alone to cross the streets, I found myself lost, not quite acknowledging that I needed guidance, when I clearly did. “What do you do on a date?” I found myself asking. “Just have fun”, people told me, and I did… until it finally dawned on me that I wasn’t being fully aware of what I was doing

I quickly jumped ship into dating the moment someone asked me out, because it’s like OMG the first time it ever happened in my life! Just the thought of there being someone courting me, or wanting to take me seriously made me leap for joy! And well, rationality and wisdom flew out of my head. All I could tell my female colleagues was “teehee, I’m going on a date~”. Of course they were happy for me, thinking that I knew full well what I was doing. Nothing happened that I would ever regret, but having went through a momentary loss of rationality and wisdom made me realize that I am prone to making stupid mistakes when I’m not being aware of what I am doing. And it’s not only me who’ll be suffering its consequences. After what happened, I realized that I am in no position to be scorning my classmates because I am in no way more righteous than they are. The same goes for Kotoko (Itazura na Kiss). I do not have any right to be criticizing her so-called foolishness because I can be pretty much like her too.

True Love Begins After Being In-Love

Is Falling In Love really characterized by a sense of delusion, or that you really have to go through this stage where you feel like you’re in cloud nine, in a dreamy state where you lose your ground from reality? Such are matters of the heart? I hate the notion that you have to be foolish in love (or “love”), but I guess it all makes sense the moment you realize that the in-love state is but a stage that has to run its course en route to True Love.

As my rose-colored glasses started to fade, I sought counsel regarding the situation I was in, ultimately forgetting that I actually wrote something like this in my ItaKiss “uterus rage” post before:

People often say that being in love in unexplainable; it makes you lose sense of rationality. Ah the euphoria of love~ But you know what I think, love founded with reason, not just the pure emotional high “in love” state, is what will make a relationship stay solid and strong.

or quoting what I quoted back then:

Our most basic emotional need is not to fall in love but to be genuinely loved by another, to know that a love grows out of reason and choice, not instinct. I need to be loved by someone who chooses to love me, who sees in me something worth loving.

That kind of love requires effort and discipline. It is the choice to expand energy in an effort to benefit the other person, knowing that if his or her life is enriched by your effort, you too will find a sense of satisfaction — the satisfaction of having genuinely loved another. It does not require the euphoria of the “in love” experience. In fact, true love can not begin until the ‘in love’ experience has run its course.

I feel rather ashamed that these ‘words of wisdom’ completely escaped me. I was like, wow… I actually said that?! -__-;

Falling in love can be tricky, and at times, we might fall into the trap of falling for the idea of falling in love, rather than the person himself/herself. We fall in love with the “idea” of there being a person who fawns over us, spoils us, pursues us, showers us with attention; we fall in love with the comfort, security and gushiness that this “love” provides. But the gushiness can only get you so far; it’s a sign of a healthy and happy relationship, but not the glue that will make it last, and especially not what should make it blossom in the first place. As my friend told me, “…while sweetness is important, too much of it blinds you towards what is really important”. So as much as possible, strap off those rose-colored glasses and see things the way they are, keep it real, so that you’ll get the real deal out of it too.

What You Say is What You Get

Once upon a time my colleagues and I (together with our supervisor) were talking about anime when the topic veered into the H territory. Silly me just blurted out of nowhere that I have my Baka Aniki #2 to blame for my first exposure to pr0n, as I accidentally played one of his “hidden” betamax tapes at home for use in recording animes airing on TV. Any guy in his sane mind would’ve felt embarrassed for me, like WTF Jenny WHY YOU TELL THAT, and change the topic to something not risque and save me from more shame. But apparently, our supervisor found my story so riveting that he even went as far as asking me whether what I watched was hardcore XXX pr0n till the _p3netrati0n_ or what. That’s when I went “WTF. Dude, I’m a GIRL. That’s not something you should be saying to a girl!” (it only happened in my mind tho, darn) I guess whatever I shared made him think that I must be really comfortable around him to share all this, and that I won’t be offended by talking about these things, and that we’re really _close_

What’s worse, I let it happen yet again. Deja vu. I’m so slow and stupid it’s no longer funny. I’m a very open person, so open that I’d often find myself sharing stuff I shouldn’t be, like *that* story in the aforementioned paragraph. It’s all for the lulz, but clear enough, I was not being conscious of the subtext littered throughout my words and actions, too comfortable sharing for my own good. I was so nonchalantly babbling, not being aware that I was already giving the person I’m talking to the impression that we’re really really close, even if we’re not. I was giving fake intimacy signals, so to speak. While I am open to a variety of topics, risque or what, they’re not exactly what I’d deem to be the most romantic kind of conversation. So much for not realizing all this earlier and not being outspoken enough to say that I’d rather talk about life, love and other mysteries or other mundane stuff.

My fault for bringing up certain topics in the first place, for making it seem as if I know a lot when in fact I’m innocent (and not really that open-minded) for the most part! I hate how I only realize how I really want respond to someone’s words/actions minutes after what happened, so I don’t exactly get to show my HONTOU NO JIBUN right off the bat

Uhm where was I again? Oh yeah, as I was saying, words are powerful, and uttering things without being aware of its implications and consequences is very very dangerous. Unlike visual novels, there’s no backtrack / save & load feature here, so it’s almost impossible to unburn an image you’ve ingrained in someone’s mind as a result of interacting with them, and you can never take back what you’ve already said/done. SLOWNESS IS NOT A VALID EXCUSE!

We Need a Team

While a romantic relationship is, by cheesy definition, involves two hearts strung together by love, it doesn’t mean that simply two people are involved in the whole process. No man is an island, as the famous quote goes, not simply in the “I need a waifu sense”, but that we need other people to thrive and grow — people who can offer not only companionship, but also guidance and wisdom. As much as we hate to admit it, we’re not always capable of making the wisest decisions on our own. We can be so focused and absorbed on something that we could simply see things from a super micro perspective, failing to see what’s going wrong from our narrow view.

As humans with ego and pride, we have the natural tendency to want to do things our way, to do things alone, because hey, we think we’re so great we can do anything! It also doesn’t help that relying on others is often seen as a sign of weakness in our culture. But the truth is, we need other people; and when it comes to matters of the heart, we need a trusted team that will support us in our ‘romantic [ad]venture’, act as our accountability partner(s), offer us a wide-angle perspective as we go through the ups and downs of this journey, contributing to a collective community experience. This applies to the anime [blogging] community too, right? :3

As Leslie Ludy writes in “When God Writes Your Love Story” (even if you don’t believe in God you can still relate to this quote):

Even though we live in a “do-it-yourself” world, it is dangerous to take that attitude toward relationships. The decision of who to spend the rest of our life with is a choice that has repercussions which will last for as long as we live. It’s not a choice that we should take lightly. And it’s not a decision we should make alone [...] When it comes to our love life, we’re talking about one of the most important decisions we’ll ever make… so let’s play to win

Let’s play to win!

What’s Wrong With Waiting? (wwww?)

It’s so easy to jump ship the moment we feel like we’ve found “The One”; we sometimes end up convincing ourselves that “he might be!”, compromise our standards or what, but why resort to this when there’s supposed to be no harm in waiting? Rushing will only make us prone to making rash decisions, and will most likely lead to regrets and bitterness in the long run. Well-thought decisions guided by wisdom is the way to go. I mean, if you want nothing else but the best, why rush? Inasmuch as it can be frustrating to just ’sit around and wait’ for your Prince Charming to come, it’s even more disheartening to decide things on impulse and not get the best result that you really want.

Also, this time that we have as singles, isn’t just merely a time to “sit around and wait”, it’s the perfect opportunity for us to grow and mature in much about every aspect of our lives, mold our character into something we’d be proud of even for the years to come, with or without that future partner.

As I’ve told myself a few weeks ago (a geeky programming metaphor for relationships): relationship, just like coding, shouldn’t be rushed. It needs a well-thought design so you could see how everything will fit once you’re finally *in* the [hopefully right] relationship. And after all the trouble you went through to come up with / understand this design guided by wisdom, in the end you’ll realize it was all worth the wait.

The irony here is that, the people who are most suited to be in a relationship are those who aren’t really into the idea of getting into one — the kind of person who’s happy in his/her single life, someone overflowing with the said happiness and love that he/she has this “love overflow” he/she could share with someone else. If you’re not happy as a single, you’ll feel all the more worse when you’re already in a relationship. This might be a feminist thing to say but I’ll say it anyway: women, keep in mind that we don’t need men to complete our lives, they’ll be there to complement the already complete (not perfect, but we feel complete nonetheless) us (and vice versa). a splendid gattai, that’s what it should be. Because we deserve no less than the best (imperfect and flawed but still great)! Rawr! And always remember, True love waits! :3

On a totally unrelated note but totally related to this blog, the new anime season is starting and my animu passion is burning once again! Hopefully, work won’t be so hectic anymore so I can write again~ tralala~

Comments or even violent reactions are more than welcome, btw! I’m still a work in progress anyways

Credits to mtnonikam, sena, and kanade for the images taken from pixiv.

Related posts:

1. On Epicness and the Legend of Basara – A MUST READ EPIC SHOUJO GEM!!!!

It took me five episodes to warm up to K-ON, unlike the hordes of people going “I LOVE YOU, K-ON!” “Mio <33333" (though now it’s more of “Azu-nyan~! <333") right from the start, like Mio-crazy Seleria over here. Started off unimpressed, not because of any KyoAni biases (I’ve never watched a moe~kyun~ KyoAni series, unless you count Full Metal Panic), but because I’m fairly new to this whole moemoe~kyun~! thing *le gasp*.

My first encounter with the moe slice-of-life genre would have to be Azumanga Daioh, about 6 years ago, albeit cut-short due to my wet-blanket baka aniki and how I let myself be affected by his SRS BSNS perceptions. Then there was Bincho-tan, which I would’ve marathoned in Animax had my BAKA ANIKIS not switched the channel to something they both want to watch. Then there’s Ichigo Mashimaro (I, My, Me Strawberry– ahh forget it), which I started watching a few weeks back, and what I’d consider to be my gateway to moe fluff slice-of-life stuff (ooh, it rhymes!). A fellow-anime-fan colleague who watched the series told me that “it’s [somewhat] nonsensical, but relaxing… a stress reliever”. That freed me from any expectations and equipped me with the right mindset as I finally sat down and watch it. Same with K-ON!

With zero expectations (almost zero, since there’s that little bit of ‘moexpectation’), I jumped into the show as a casual spectator who didn’t know what was in store for her. “Ok K-ON girls, let’s see what you’ve got!” For the first four episodes, I’d have to admit, I actually wondered what the heck I was watching or if I’m even supposed to be watching it in the first place. But the cute little antics and the thought of music n00bs forming a band was enough to tickle my fancy, and with episode 5… bam! I am hooked. And with episode 6, I was going Mio~~ <3333, cheering for her as she conquers the stage with her song, happily singing Fuwa Fuwa Time~! with the rest of the gang. I blame Sawako-sensei for getting me hooked on this.

Quite a Sunday Driving experience this turned out to be, as I found myself enjoying it simply for what it is. *zukyuun~!* goes my heart~

After joining the bandwagon of K-ON! moetards, I can’t help but laugh [even more] at the sentiments of those who are tsundere for K-ON! (or anything moeblob-related). Moe juxtaposed with feminism?! Ok, granted, even the great Hayao Miyazaki subscribe to this feminist mindset, but are you kidding me? It’s not like all people who enjoy K-ON watch it for the joy of seeing women in their objectified, helpless state. Do I look like a lolicon who’ll watch K-ON just for the sake of fapping? Heck no! Heck, I can’t even fap hurr durr durr, but that’s not the point. We all know teasing people like Mio can be a lot of fun, but hey, we can also love her for pure reasons, right?? But more importantly, WHY SO SERIOUS?!

Let’s first forget the “fact” that these girls were “made moe for pandering purposes”, then what have we got? Just a bunch of girls with their own quirks and silliness, four different personalities jive in to form their little band and have a good time~, and hilarity ensues within, that’s basically it. Turn off your feminist sensitivity radar, moe-llergy or whatnot, take a step back, and realize that these characters never set out to paint us the picture of the Ideal Woman (or otherwise), they’re just being who they are. And we’re just mere spectators of their lives. Is it their fault that they’re so criminally cute and that people find them moe? Of course not! If being moe was a crime then I’d probably be in jail right now.

But then I wondered, how come this whole scene seemed all too familiar — Haters on one end, fans or fags on the other, going “hurr durr durr why so serious?”. And then… eureka! as I realized that this is total Deja Vu, with the roles reversed this time around. I r the fag, and the other ones are the haters. I can’t believe I’d find myself saying the very words of my deters, and finally, realize what went wrong between me and Itazura na Kiss way back when. I viewed ItaKiss from a feminist lens, as if that wasn’t obvious enough, and I was too busy nitpicking on the flaws of the characters to see the big picture. I was concentrating so much on what the series was doing wrong to even see what it was doing right. That’s what hating or loving a series delusionally does to you. Either you love it too much and be blinded to its flaws, or hate it to the guts and never see where its redeeming points lie.

There’s a tried-and-true formula to enjoy watching animes, but that we often take for granted. Heck, I know I forget it every so often. “Appreciate it for what it is.” That’s right, repeat after me, Appreciate [an anime] For What It Is. Hold your horses with any expectations, stop imposing what you want to see in the show, forget the fandumb, forget the “fans who ruin it for you”, and take it as it is. Or if I were to quote some lines in the lyrics of Lenka’s “The Show”, a song which I hold dearly in my heart: “I want my money back! I want my money back! Just enjoy the show!”

“This sh*t sucks” won’t suck as much if you enjoy it along the way, and you won’t find yourself complaining how it’s all a “waste of time” either. And at the end of it all, if I were to use the words of TheBigN, “it depends on what you’re looking for”. If moe’s not for you, then so be it, don’t be surprised that so many people like it, don’t hate it (and hate the ones who like it) because of that either, geez. Don’t be tsuntsun for moe.

to all the naysayers, Yui has one special message for you:

FFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUU–

* obligatory shock effect interlude *

FUN TIMES!

Love & Peace yeah~!

Shall we all say, Fuwa Fuwa time~~

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