Of Afterglows and Afterglooms

The week-long camp is over, and right now I’m feeling both the afterglow and the aftergloom of the said experience.

It was great, a clear sign that I am officially back on track with my life, back from being a lost little backslider sheep. During that short span of time I got close to a number of people, and felt my whole world expand in the process. Meeting people from all over the country who shares your belief was a joy; meeting people who are also friends and acquaintances of my baka aniki#2 made it even more rewarding, as it bridged the gap between us siblings (and no it’s not simply because he shouldered my camp fee). Not completely just yet, but getting there. Not to mention my brother was like my cheat sheet into getting acquainted with some of the delegates since I could be so conveniently introduced as “baka aniki #2’s sister” (since my brother is quite active in this nationwide event, being one of the coordinators for the past years or so), and they would go “Oh! you’re [baka aniki#2]’s sister!” yep, that’s me! *flash smile* But I digress.

With all the activities in the camp — the games, messages from our guest speakers, devotional study time and all that — I was once again reminded of how it feels like to be part of something BIG (the aniblogging community made me feel this too), grandeur but humbling at the same time.

The afterglow of the event was, in short, THIS.

After more than a decade of dormancy, my Murasaki kokoro no tamago (or should I say, Magister kokoro no tamago?) has become alive again (like omg I can strike a conversation with people? Make them laugh? Steer my way into conversations so as to not feel out of place?), and it’s apparent in my bubbly genki self. Some people would probably find it hard to believe that I was once a very aloof girl. Or so that’s what this one guy — who laughed at me when I told him I’m actually shy and aloof and not really good at socializing — thought. Well, that’s a good sign I guess, though I’d say remarks like this shows how that person doesn’t know me down to the core [of my inferior self].

Feels like I’ve been picking up shards of my lost confidence in the recent years, allowing me to step out of my overly self-conscious shell, slowly but surely. But time and again, my gloomy self creeps in, and I revert back to the irresolute aloof nerdy wallflower I used to be — confidence crushed, sense of existence shrunk, unable to assert myself and show my true face. That, or I turn into a snot-nosed elitist brat who trash talks people in her mind, soiling them in the confines of her skewed head (and to think I only have one *ahem*). Needless to say, I found myself in this situation (or these situations) in the camp — the aftergloom of the whole experience, which happens as my inferior introvert shadow kicks in and gets the better of me.

The Inferior Introvert Shadow Lurking Within, and Without

Introverts have a knack for observing — observing people, observing their surroundings — and at times, this becomes a double-edged sword. On one hand we’re able to think wisely and reflect before any decision, and, on the other, we end up overthinking that it hampers our actions. In my case I ended up prejudiced against some people who I thought weren’t exactly in the camp for the right reasons — guys who seem to be hitting on the beautiful single ladies (because, y’know, this camp is like the perfect opportunity to find a mate, since it’s a [Filipino-]Chinese Christian Camp and all), people texting/SMS-ing in the middle of a solemn message from the pastor, people shouting/”singing” during the singspiration which makes me uncertain as to whether they’re really feeling the songs and want you to LISTEN TO THEIR SONG, or they’re just doing it for the lulz, to attract attention, “singing” the song without their soul — and it clouded my perception of them.

There are also those who I judged based on their answers in one Ice Breaker Q&A session, some of whom made me question their faith, and others who generally made me doubt the sincerity of their answers.

No matter what excuses I give, no matter how much I try concealing these vile thoughts trapped in my mind, what’s done is done. I judged them, I soiled them. Even when I’m not supposed to have the right to judge anyone just like that. The least I can do is to not let this consume me and be open to the possibility that I’ll be proven wrong once I’ve gotten to know these people better. If I turn out to be right, then I owe it to them to show my true face and not be a hypocrite, tell them what I want to say, and not pretend to like them when I really don’t. Unless I admit to my mistakes and take responsibility for my actions, there’s no way I can be redeemed from my sins. As Harold Sala says, responsibility and redemption are two sides of the same coin.

2DT said in his comment that “the tightrope walk between feeling superior and feeling soul-crushingly lonely is something all us geeks deal with.” True that, though in my case, it’s more of the tightrope between feeling superior and inferior, as opposed to just loneliness. I have walked the said tightrope, and I still do, stumbling every now and then. This isn’t anything surprising, considering I haven’t even reached Magister-level metamorphosis, which, pardon me for generalizing, makes me even more prone to lapses compared to the more evolved version of myself. Operation: Rebuild Self-confident Naritai Jibun is still in progress, and it helps to know that I am (not) alone. But I digress yet again.

Back in the camp, there were activities which required us to work as a team. In an ideal scenario, teamwork would flourish; each of the members are united in one goal, working together hand-in-hand, tralalala happy desu~ But sadly, this was not the case. We had a competent leader, but with the pressure, the time constraint especially, it’s easy to fall into the trap of taking the spirit of teamwork and fun for granted, favoring competitiveness, stressfulness, or what have you. The assertive ones contribute their ideas, which can either be overpowered by the opinion of even more assertive members, or accepted by the team. Some voices end up drowned in the sea of ideas, and are left with no choice but to conform despite their silent protests.

The activity turned out to be fun, for the most part. Some of my teammates were such a joy to work with; despite the whole tension present as we were practicing for the cheer-dance “competition”, they remained cool, calm and composed, cracking jokes every now and then. We learned to poke fun at our very own situation, following each complaint we’d make with “submit to authority, people~” (since this was one of the main topics tackled in our devotional study). In the end, though, I can’t help but feel alienated from the team. The kind of feeling where all of us would want to hug each other after the performance, win or lose, was just… not there. I could’ve hugged some of my teammates who made me feel I was really part of the team, but in a holistic Team Spirit Hug sense, not quite.

I can’t really blame anyone else but myself for not being assertive enough to instill a change within the team, to turn the tide of pressure into a wave of positive change, for the real deal epic teamwork. Actually, I thought I already was capable of this, or so that’s how it seemed like at work where I’ve grown to be competent and able to work well in a team. But now I realize that I owe this mostly to my colleagues who are great team players, with leaders humble enough to listen to what the other members have to say, and members who are willing to lend a hand for the achievement of the team’s goals — No one left behind, members supporting other members — teamwork and love abounds.

Exposed to a different environment, and I become a fish out the water, crippled more than ever. And this isn’t the only time it happened in the camp.

Based from my experience, or recent developments in my life, I can safely say that I can talk to just about anyone, EXCEPT, those who have this hostile aura around them that I can’t seem to break; the kind of people who put up some sort of wall, leaves you wondering if they just want you to care enough to knock it down, or because they don’t really like you (and no they don’t want you to convince themselves otherwise either). More often than not, when I sense that these people are unwelcoming of my presence (which I come to conclude after several failed attempts at having a conversation), I get intimidated. No matter how much I want to break the ice and have a friendly conversation, I end up unable to do so. Instead I freeze, chicken out, and realize just how powerless I am. I want to chat up, but it feels like they want me to chut up instead, so what am I to do?

Perhaps I’m just not used to dealing with this kind of situation, trying to strike a conversation with someone and it doesn’t quite flow because he/she doesn’t seem the least bit interested in talking to me. At one point I’d wonder if there’s anything I did wrong, or anything I did that didn’t sit well with this person, why I’m being ignored; but after a while — to save me from any more agony — I just tell myself, “well, if this person is not interested in talking to me, then fine. Whatever. And nothing of value was lost.” But the whole tension — the barrier of ice that I still want to break — remains. And before I knew it, I’ve become my old overly self-conscious and inferior self again.

Up until now I still wonder, what’s the best thing to do in situations like this? Do I simply respect these people’s personal space by refraining myself from talking to them? Should I not be affected? Should I not care? Should I not go the extra mile of befriending them, attempt to break the wall, despite the possibility of being rejected over and over? And what if the said person is actually friendly and close to other people, including my own friends, but not to me?

I’m no Magister; I’m no Nagaoka either. I don’t have the charisma that these people have; I’m not able to make friends with just about anyone, irregardless of who they are (in the genuinely-befriending people sense, not the one wrapped in hypocrisy). I’m judgmental, and I’m also a coward.

But the thing is, people like Magister and Nagaoka weren’t born overnight. I’m not sure about Nagaoka since we didn’t see much of his back story, but Magister… we see her evolve from her gloomy self to this wonderful woman brimming with confidence and cheerfulness. And if she could do it, then so can I, right? Yeah yeah, feel free to laugh at me for looking up to a 2D character as my role model.

Magister is not perfect, neither is Nagaoka, Kurosawa and Kitahara, and neither is every single person on the face of this earth. There’s no such thing as a perfect human being, and 100% evolution is not effin’ possible either. We were born as flawed human beings, each with his/her own strengths and weaknesses; We go through this cycle called life, we learn to overcome some of these weaknesses and develop even more strengths. Consequently, we also develop even more weaknesses and lose some of the strengths we used to have throughout this course. But that’s the great thing about it. We were designed to be weak so we’d learn to not simply rely on ourselves, so that we may be humbled in everything that we do.

Trials and challenges in life never ends, but so does our ability to evolve. We might regress, but for sure, we can always progress, for as long as we choose to.

“Like courage, confidence is not the absence of fear, but rather, taking action or moving forward in spite of it.” There’s a whole slew of factors affecting one’s development of self-confidence, not to mention different personalities each person is born with or acquire as he/she gets older. But in the end, it all boils down to having courage — taking little steps of courage in each and everything that we do. Many times, the answer to problems in life is but simple, but as we run away from our fears and choose not to deal with it head-on, we make things seem more complicated than it really is. Why though? The workings of the human mind is complex indeed, complex yet simple at the same time.

The Answer Lies Within

Through the course of writing this post, I think I’ve found the answers to the questions I posed (doesn’t mean I need your insights less, so please don’t hesitate to share your thoughts!). Try as I might, I can’t expect all people to like me. That’s wishful thinking; a delusion that’ll only make me a people-pleaser hypocrite. I don’t want to be hated, no one wants to be hated. But that doesn’t mean I should let this fear hold me back from doing what I want, from showing who I really am. I should never ever let fear be the basis of any of my decisions. I owe it to myself to show my true face; whether people end up hating or disliking me is another thing, but in the end, that won’t change my worth as a person, for as long as I’m confident and secure with who I am.

More than wanting to be liked by people, what I should strive for is to get the real me out of its shell, no fears, no doubts. Moments of awkward silence in talking to people — especially with those I barely know — is inevitable. I’d also have to keep in mind that each and everyone has his/her own unique personality; just because I am able to talk to some people so easily doesn’t mean it’ll be the same for others, and just because a certain person responds differently compared to the rest of the people I’ve interacted with doesn’t mean I’m hated or that there’s anything wrong with me.

Some might seem naturally gifted with the ability to effortlessly talk to people (a people-magnet), but in the end it’s all about confidence, and having a genuine interest to connect to people (if that’s what I really want). And it can be developed. Those who are so secure with their identity (and have that right balance of confidence and humility) will have little or no problems in dealing with other people because they’ve got far less concerns than those who aren’t; they’re not afraid of making blunders, they couldn’t care less what people think about them, and with less things to worry about, they’re able to enjoy just about every moment of they’re life — may it be in the company of friends, strangers, or even the lack of company. They’re able to show their unmasked selves without worrying about anything.

And this has digressed into a How to Win Friends and Influence People ripoff of a post, hoo boy. So much for being carried away. Anyways.

Despite whatever I say here, I’m sure to experience stumbling blocks along the way — stumble and fall, eat my own words, etc. — but with every stumbling block comes the opportunity to rise up again, and become a stronger and better individual in the process. Forever in pursuit of the lost shards of my confidence I shall be, all for the sake of rebuilding my True Blue Naritai Jibun. And who knows, I might just be able to become a Catcher in the Rye in the process

Brief Afterword

Writing posts for Onani Master Kurosawa as though squirting my juice all over it, not wiping a single trace of my cum shots for people to see the magnificent stage of my performance(s). This is my justice. FEELS SO GOOD.

Related posts:

1. The Cumming-of-age of Onani Master Kurosawa. And I Came Buckets.

woah, the resemblance between Kurosawa and Hei didn’t occur to me until I saw this fanart, looks-wise and otherwise.

I’ve been putting off reading Onani Master Kurosawa for the longest time now (as with the rest of my backlogs), and a rather unexpected turn of events finally got me to stop bumming around and actually read it. I’m not done yet (about 10 more chapters to go! hurray slowness!) and won’t get to until after I get back from the camp I’ll be attending for the whole of next week, but right now I can say I AM LOVING IT.

Who would’ve thought that this would turn out to be a coming-of-age story. Or more like, cumming-of-age. Feel free to quote me on that. For a manga whose premise runs around a guy with a fetish for cumming in the girls’ bathroom, I sure didn’t see that coming. Disregarding all the tweets and posts about it of course. I remember when Shinn introduced this way back when, and my impression could be summed up in three letters: W.T.F. with a “wow Japan, you never cease to amaze me with your creativity” snarky side-comment. “Disgusting” was enough for me to describe it. And boy was I so wrong.

There seems to be an unspoken rule when it comes to animes and mangas, that when you see the protagonist deep in his thoughts, with delicious stream-of-consciousness all over the place, expect that something magical is going happen sooner or later. Stream-of-consciousness with potent thoughts, of course, not simply of fappery and whim. It’s like a surefire sign that this character will grow up from being someone trapped in his own world, his own skewed narrow thoughts, to someone who gets to discover the vast world outside the confines of his mind — a Bildungsroman in the making.

Owen mentioned before that “guys reading [Onani Master Kurosawa] > girls reading this simply because girls would never be able to understand what it feels like”, and while I do agree with that to some extent (yes I have never fapped in my life, and will never understand how guys are hardwired with the said ‘function’), I’d say OMK holds within it a power that transcends gender. You think the OMK catharsis can only happen to guys? Think again.

OMK was, for me, an Ode to Introverts, a drug or remedy to those who, at some point, confined themselves to their own introverted shell. People who once regarded themselves as different from anyone else, set apart, either placing themselves on a pedestal so high they end up thinking “Hmph, I don’t need to mingle with you stupid commoners!”, or a burrow so low all they see are shadows of self-pity, “I’m a pathetic weak coward; I can’t mingle with people, I’ll never be good enough” — unable to embrace the simple truth that they’re lonely, that they’re thirsty for the company of people just like any normal person, and that all they need to do is to step out of that dark and dreary burrow also known as the stall in the girls’ bathroom in the semi-deserted 1st building.

Most of these people consider themselves different from all the lowlifes (in a condescending way), when the truth is, they wouldn’t want to be hated by these very people either.

This one scene in chapter 25 resonated with me so much I cried buckets of tears while I was reading it… catharsis through and through. “One little act of kindness could be enough to save a life” — that’s what I saw at work here. Responsibility and redemption are said to be two sides of the same coin, and Kurosawa stands as a testament to that.

I might be spoiling things a little bit too much here, so I’d just say: READ IT. More so if you’re a guy, which can make this both a really painful and even more powerful reading. I’m also pressed for time here since I have to head to the airport in less than an hour (by the time of this writing, which is the 27th of September), so as much as I want to babble about this a bit more, talk about this in an Diary of an Anime/Manga Lived style, I’m afraid I don’t have the time to do so. I’ll make sure to write about this once I come back. If you have suggestions as to how you want me to blog Onani Master Kurosawa, please do so

Ja mata! Off to discover how much more vast the world is with this week-long Christian youth camp I’m attending, gonna meet people from all over the country and all that jazz. I might not be a Magister just yet, though I want to follow her footsteps (not in the ‘giving someone false hopes and breaking his heart’ sense obviously), change for the better, till my Hontou no Jibun is finally one with my Naritai Jibun. Oh and yes I can see Shugo Chara in Onani Master Kurosawa.

Kurosawa’s pimp, signing off!

Credits to べあん・しどぅ for the Kurosawa fanart

Related posts:

1. The Introvert Shadow: Reflections on the Camp, and Onani Master Kurosawa
2. Kimi ni Todoke Reached My Soul: Sawako-chan is so SawayaKYAA~

I’ve been meaning to write about Basara, a shoujo manga by Yumi Tamara from the Age of Antiquity (considering it’s been almost 2 decades since this manga came out), for quite some time now. In all the years I’ve spent reading shoujo manga (wooo credentials!), I’ve never seen anything epic like it, in the true literary sense of the word, and that epicness alone would mean that it’s worth reading, worth recommending and worth PIMPING FOR ALL IT’S WORTH!! If it’s so epic why haven’t I written anything about it but pitiful little shout-outs, you ask? Well you see, it’s so epic that I doubt any post I write would give it justice. hurr durr. Ok ok fine, you got me, it’s just pure laziness on my part — lazy to find the words to describe it, to show the whole wide world what I love about it, and wanting to write about it together with my Favorite Mangas of All Time List didn’t really help my cause. In case you’re curious, Houkago Hokenshitsu (After School Nightmare), Mars, Tokyo Crazy Paradise, Cipher, Kanata Kara, Miriam, Please Save My Earth, and Aka-chan to Boku are among those in my list. /segue~

One shared item on the topic of epicness was all it took to awaken my BASARA-LOVING SOUL, more so when you add the IKnight Seal of Approval!

ghostlightning has his [Nekki] Basara, and while I may not share the same love for Basara the Macross 7 star, Legend of Basara (like THE shoujo manga I’m talking about) makes me want to shout “LISTEN TO MY SONG!” Oh and forget Sengoku Basara, this Basara, or heck even the female heroine Sarasa alone, is so much more GAR than that show could ever be, and I mean it! /with conviction!

Sasa and Anna-senpai would certainly attest to this, right?!

If there’s one reason why Basara captured my heart way back my earlier anime/manga fandom days, it’d that it’s an epic LOVE STORY. And if having retained my love for this manga despite the decade that passed (6 years to be exact) isn’t enough proof — you’d know that this isn’t your ordinary romance tale, it’s an exceptionally timeless one. It’s the kind that would simply grow on you as you and/or your taste matures, because you’d gain even more appreciation for how the entire story was weaved — the whole politics of the world they were in, the entangling of fates, etc.

The post-apocalyptic world of Basara became the backdrop of Sarasa and Shuuri’s love story, undeniably so, but unlike that of Toshokan Sensou, you can’t argue that the “war” here was “simply a backdrop”. Sarasa and Shuuri found love amidst the war in their world, a love that grew in this war, with it, and through it — a war whose fate lies on this very love itself (and no it’s not as simple as it sounds). Think Romeo and Juliet, much more epic version, and no one character takes the easy way out of their fate but FIGHTS THROUGH / AGAINST IT.

Another thing I like most about Basara is that it boasts awesomely dynamic characters, characters whose GARness will be remembered even in their death, not-your-ordinary protagonists and antagonists. One could even say it’s like Darker than Black in how the characters question the very “fate” they were in — characters and their quest for “identity” (most especially true for Sarasa and Shuuri) throughout the chaos, the quest for “peace” (what is “peace” anyway? is there no other way to end a war but through another war? must lives be sacrificed in order to achieve peace? — told in an epic fashion with a bittersweet romance twist). The series itself blurs the line between “shoujo”, “shounen”, “seinen”, and “josei”, making it all the more, yes you guessed it, AWESOME.

Also, I haven’t seen Juuni Kokki (12 Kingdoms) but I am fairly positive that Basara can rival its epicness (not to mention Basara is complete at 27 volumes ) Would be very happy to see someone attest to this.

So yeah, GO READ BASARAAAAA!!! If you’ve lost all hope in shoujo manga, this might just bring it back!

Need I say more?

Yes, I am totally telling you to go out of your way, take a step back from the summer season and read this. and hey if you’ve got some more time in your hands, why not right?! And while we’re at it, you can also check out the 13-episode anime of this one if you want, though it covers only the first 5 volumes of the manga, and hence NOT ENOUGH! *sigh*

May Skip Beat forgive me, but in all honesty I’d say this is the Real True Epic Shoujo. Amen.

Related posts:

1. A Shoujo Protagonist Moment of Epiphany

I’ve been failing to fangirl over ToshoSen lately, much like other fandom I’ve neglected for so long (Kaze no Stigma, Shugo Chara….), but I just want to say, that my ToshoSen PASSION lives on! Rawr! With this, I present to you, my obligatory “I will forever be a Toshokan Sensou fangirl” post

Ever wondered if Iku and Doujou ever liked something, apart from books, JUSTICE!, and each other (of course)? Well one of the extra chapters in the manga answers just that.

The story goes…

The Library Task Force squadron gets a day off, and Doujou takes this opportunity to go out for a little shopping, alone. Curious Iku spies on him, surprised to see that Doujou is a closet plushie lover. Or so it seems…

Being used to the tsuntsundere Doujou, it’s no surprise that Iku thinks this is totally out of character. Well she’s actually pretty amused to see this paradox, and was about to get the Hard Solid Evidence, when…

gotcha! tsk, just who does Iku think she’s spying on?! Doujou never loses his presence of mind even on a day like this! As ‘punishment’ for what Iku attempted to do, he drags her ass off with him, to go help him do some plushie shopping. Nice! Underhanded tactics FTW!

“I-i-it’s not like this is a d-date or a-a-anything! I just need your h4xx0r skillz in Plushie Taxonomy!”, says Doujou (not translated word per word of course).

And when Doujou mentions that he’s going to buy something for a *girl*, teehee, Iku’s heart skips a beat~ (Don’t get your hopes up too high yet, Iku! even though we know that Doujou’s going to do something by the end of this extra chapter!)

Iku sees a cute little bunny strap (among other plushies which are now in Doujou’s shopping basket), and a kawaii pink dolphin strap (Momoiruka)! She goes moe~ over it, and even tells Doujou that she totally digged this way back high school. “Brings back memories~”, says Iku.

Of course Doujou isn’t dense or dumb not to notice this. Well what he didn’t know, is that this dolphin strap reminds Iku of the time she got insulted for carrying cute stuff, because apparently, “Big Girls are not suited for cute stuff”, meh. That left quite an impact on Iku, and she never used any cutesy accessories after that, despite how she wants to. Poor Iku. Or more like, how could you let that stupid guy control your life! Baka!

So yeah, end of the shopping spree, and finally, Doujou gives Iku his token of appreciation. It’s the Momo dolphin! “Go throw it if you don’t need/like it”, said Doujou, soo tsuntsun

Iku loved it of course, but was worried over the “fact” that it doesn’t suit her, given her “scarred past” and all. She felt insecure, just like any other Super Tall girls out there who had been stereotyped to be “GAR and should not be into moe moe cute stuff!”

Doujou was displeased with her low self-esteem, and in order for Iku to believe in him who believes that cute stuff looks good on her!!!1!1, he showers her with the bunch of plushies he bought and tells her “not bad”, his tsuntsun way of saying “S-s-silly girl, this suits you so much I think I’m going to die from moe now, so shuddup!”

So yeah, happily ever after~ Iku eventually finds out that the Doujou bought the plushies for his little sister– wait what, Doujou has a little sister?! And yes, I also found out about it after I read this.

Related posts:

1. The Soothing Chamomiles of Kimi ni Todoke and Toshokan Sensou
2. Cross Game Commercial Break: Nomo’s Picture Drawing Song~!
3. THE WORLD SHOULD JUST BREAK: How’s it Like Being a Mirai with No ‘mirai’

Hinano has pretty much summed up what the whole chunk of the latest two chapters are, so I think I’m just gonna go emo and say my thoughts over the latest revelation about Ikuto’s past.

Watching episode 43 of the anime (the end of the Amu x Utau epic battle) while knowing the bits and pieces of Ikuto’s awfully sad past makes quite a difference, if I might say so myself. Watching the anime while knowing beforehand the train of thoughts running through Ikuto’s mind added layers of complexity and depth that I would not have imagined if I didn’t read the manga. Why Ikuto is so eager to obtain the Embryo, why he turned out to be the Ikuto that he is now. Manga spoilers, in this sense, prove to be beneficial in that it gives you the privilege of having ‘omniscient eyes’, making for advanced epiphany moments when you watch the anime.

Like Amu’s moment of epiphany in chapter 32, the moment she found out Ikuto’s past and finally understood the burden he’s carrying all this time, I found myself crying over episode 43 when I get to think about all he’s been through I won’t be able to see Ikuto the same way, that’s for sure, and right now, all I’m hoping is for Amu to kick Gozen and his minion’s ass and bring back Ikuto!! I’m really glad we have the Shugo Charas and also Yaya who quickly turns the mood of the series from sad emo angst-filled, to genki optimistic. That’s one of the things I really like about this series, it’s brimming with positive love energy

On a side note, the mysterious boy who appeared a few chapters back makes another appearance in chapters 31-32. Much is yet to be revealed about this little boy, whether or not he’s related to the Embryo (or Amu and Ikuto?), etc., and we’d just have to find that out as more chapters come out.

No related posts.

I can no longer recall what made me stop following the Skip Beat manga yearssss ago. Oh right, I don’t think I even immersed myself into it before, which is most likely why I can’t remember the slightest of details with regards to the acting feats Kyoko undertook, or her antics with Ren. I can actually recall some bits and pieces, but not so vividly as a true fan would. But now, after yearsss I finally got back to the Skip Beat bandwagon, dragging my brother with me to the heights of Skip Beat nirvana, ohohoho (I checked and I had the raws of volumes 1-11 way back 2005, never been touched. imagine that T__T) Just for the record, my brother is not like Impz who can tolerate and stomach quite a lot of shoujo works. He hates Marmalade Boy to the core, same with ItaKiss which he deems to lack development. Then we also ended up having an argument about Saiunkoku where I had to defend Shuurei with all my might but failed to convince him nonetheless. So yeah, I think you can see a bit of his standards of a good manga / anime.

So anyways, I’m gonna make this short and sweet since I have to sleep and wake up early for work, my grandmother already scolded me earlier for dragging my brother into this addiction so I have to get my arse to sleep early and not cause any more headaches. If you followed my tweets, you’ll know that I spent this whole Sunday-Monday free time I have catching up with Skip Beat, starting from ground zero, and having dragged my brother into this makes it even more fun~ It’s fun being able to share the joy of reading this SUPER AWESOME^N shoujo manga with my oniichan, laughing together at the wackiness of the manga, discussing realizations and insights about acting, and giggling over Kyoko x Ren’s rabu rabu antics (or is it just me giggling?).

After years, I was finally able to grasp what L-chan and other fans have been proclaiming, about how Skip Beat tops Tokyo Crazy Paradise. 100% agreed! I loved Tokyo Crazy Paradise to bits, most of the people in IRC should know that well. I’d go all TCP <3333 when it becomes the topic (imagine Kyoko’s sparkly eye fairytale princess mode). I just find it amazing how Yoshiki Nakamura will be able to produce this awesome(r) manga after its awesome predecessor.

Right now, I want to pimp the life out of this manga, but I’m running out of words. So let me put it this way. If there’s one shoujo manga out there you definitely shouldn’t miss out on, it’s definitely this (and yes I’m looking at you, regardless of age, gender, or whatsoever stratification). In Seleria’s words (way back when she read it last month), “it’s really crazy but it hits close to home”. It has quite a load of quirkiness and craziness, but it doesn’t go overboard. It has a kind of silliness that still makes sense, if you know what I mean. It’s a shoujo manga which breaks all sorts of shoujo stereotypes which a number of fans have already grown tired of. No melodrama, no nonsensical irresponsible characters which doesn’t serve a purpose in the overall story and plot.

I’ve already seen Nakamura-sensei’s magic with TCP, I feel it soo much alive again in Skip Beat -- how she had things planned right from the start, she had it all written at the palms of her hand. The characters, with their complex past, their present, and the future, how the story will progress from start to end (even if we can't see the end yet, I'm positive that it will be great, because the journey towards that end is already amazing). I know I’m not saying anything concrete here to make skeptical fans believe what I say, but you know the feeling of confidence in a certain author, who really knows what she’s doing, the kind of mangaka whose work is something you’d anticipate with each chapter that comes out, knowing well that it’s always in accordance to this BIG and BRIGHT picture she had in mind right when she started working on this project. The fact that this manga is about showbiz, and how the actors and actresses themselves understand how they should be able to portray their roles well, I can confidently say that Nakamura-sensei won’t allow the great characters she created to just act irresponsibly and out-of-character.

Lastly, before I end this, I just want to say that I see myself so much in Kyoko. Or rather, I actually want to be like her too, or at least, be her friend Many of you might have already seen the different faces of this bunny, based on what I’ve been writing in this blog for the past months. Love experiences aside, depending on how much you’ve been reading, you’d know that I can be pretty naïve at times, idealistic at some point, super emo (a LOT of times), total rabid fangurl, and sinister. I really think I turned into the evil-Kyoko with the profanity-filled Wanted review I made last July, and shocked and scared some people in the process, including my real life acquaintances who never knew I had that side. If you guys actually pictured me as an innocent little angel, well I’m shattering that image now, because I really can be as evil as Kyoko

But more than that, I see myself in Kyoko’s struggle to seek her mother’s acceptance. In my case, it was my father’s acceptance, one of the reasons why I struggled(?) to stay on top of the class, at ALL times, all throughout elementary till high school. It’s also the reason why I had such a low self-confidence way back then. Despite how I became the class valedictorian, it meant nothing. It was something required of me, nothing special. It’s not only now that I managed to set free from the shackles of my past, now that I’m working, just like Kyoko who found herself back despite everything. Forgive the emoness haha ^^;

And that ladies and gentlemen is my super lengthy tl;dr confession of my love for Skip Beat. I demand you to read it!!! Or you’ll be cursed and feel my wrath >E *unleashes inner demons~~*

Now, to sleep. Zzzz

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1. Hawt Skip Beat Furoku GET! (Fangirl Self Revival GET!)
2. Skip Beat is Crap
3. [Snapshots] Mogami Kyoko: The Girl of a Thousand Faces

First off, thanks to ShiningNinja for giving me the heads up on this one (and for the scans)… this was indeed such a heart-wrenching chapter. IKUTOOOoo BAWW ;______________;

Chapter 30 jumps to the next day after the Ikuto x Tadase fight, so we’re pretty much clueless as to what happened throughout that intense battle. We only see its aftermath, the wounds that both Ikuto and Tadase sustained, in particular. Moving on to the next day, Nagihiko was formally introduced to the rest of the Royal Guardians, as the new Jack’s chair (and as Nadeshiko’s “twin”). Yaya was amazed by his striking resemblance with Nadeshiko, while Rima scorns at how he can be a Guardian when his egg hasn’t hatched yet (boy that sounds wrong).

Tadase defends Nagihiko against Rima’s mockery and almost slips in revealing that Nagihiko used to be previous Quee– and sly Nagihiko manages to work his way through this. Yaya tells Rima that Nadeshiko is Amu’s best friend, which makes Rima cry in envy. But we all know Rima and her skillz in acting, and Nagihiko easily sees through her façade of crocodile tears. As they say, it takes one to know one

Tadase cuts to the chase and discusses his findings on the recent X-eggs gathering incidents, the perpetrator of whom is no one else but Ikuto. Amu vehemently denies this to be true, and was about to defend Ikuto’s innocence by telling them that he was in her room all along, but stops midway as she thinks of the distasteful consequence once Tadase finds out that Ikuto was present during his private confession.

The Royal Guardian meeting ends, and Amu takes some time alone to think of her dilemma, caught in between the “feud” between Ikuto and Tadase as she is (or so that’s how it seems like to Amu). She feels bad for keeping the issue about Ikuto (and her temporary ‘adoption’ of the stray cat), but couldn’t bear the thought of making Tadase sad and angry (at her) with this revelation. And then, Nadeshiko comes to her aid to cheer her up, just like old times, only that he’s Nagihiko now.

Before Amu confides about her problem, she makes Nagihiko tie up his hair the same way Nadeshiko does (and Nagihiko also does his ‘Nadeshiko’ voice as a bonus ), which makes Amu more comfortable around him. In response to the question Amu posed, Nagihiko tells her that keeping secrets from someone is not good, by virtue that’s the way it’s supposed to be. But then there are times when lying is deemed to be the best option, if that’s the way to keep someone from being hurt. You should just be prepared to bear the consequences that comes with lying, says Nagihiko. We all know that Nadeshiko is hitting two birds with one stone with this advice of his, it reflects his very own dilemma of keeping his real identity a secret from Amu, the girl he treasures the most.

Tadase meets up with Amu and decides to tell him what he knows about Ikuto, giving her a forewarning that Ikuto is an ominous black cat. They arrange a meet-up for this. Amu arrives home and finds Ikuto reading Nakayorushi (lolz), which makes her all the more dismiss what Tadase said about him being an ominous cat. Ikuto tricks her into taking a peek at the “wounds” on his chest, so he gets to hug her Amu drags him off to shower after that.

Ikuto gets into his usual perv mode and complains about the size of the bathroom, imagining how two people would fit in this little space. After some time, Amu decides to get herself dressed-up for her meeting with Tadase, and warns Ikuto not to take a peek. Ikuto tells her he won’t do anything that will make her mad, so she can be rest assured of that.

Amu is rather surprised and happy about this, and thinks of the many faces she has seen of Ikuto. He constantly teases her, but he also saves her whenever she needs help, and always understood her feelings. Just then, Yoru spots something by the window (the Easter henchmen) and warns Ikuto about this.

Amu sneaks out the bathroom with Ikuto, only to be caught by her mother. Amu explains the situation to her mom, who believes in her, but was disappointed that she kept this from her all this time. After the scolding session, Amu’s mom decides that Ikuto could no longer stay at their house, and helps him find a place to stay instead.

Ikuto prepares to take his leave, and thinks of how wonderful it is to have a family like Amu’s. Tadase arrives not long after, only to find Ikuto together with Amu. Amu was at a lost on how to explain all this to Tadase, when Ikuto does this on her behalf, and makes fun of Tadase’s confession too.

Poor Tadase was hurt by all this, and weeps as he takes his leave. Amu scolds Ikuto for being a jerk and drives him off — the reaction Ikuto totally expected and wanted, so he can prevent anyone else from getting involved with his own mess.

Amu searches for Tadase, while Ikuto surrenders himself to Easter. Yoru frantically asks Amu for his help, to save Ikuto who’s currently in the brink of danger.

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1. [Snapshots] Mogami Kyoko: The Girl of a Thousand Faces

…and yes, this officially marks my comeback to the Shugo Chara anime bandwagon *does the Eru-Amu cheesy pose*

I won’t be mentioning much of the details of this episode anymore since I already covered it in my chapter 25 post, Easter’s plan to take advantage of piracy as a means for world abomination (lolz), and the final showdown between Amu and Utau.

This was an absolutely awesome Shugo Chara episode!! It’s the best episode yet, if only because of the the uber dramatic Chara-nari transformations (especially Ikuto’s ), the EPIC fight between Utau vs Amu, and Ikuto vs the Other Guardians (who he manages to beat by himself), the flashback with chibi Utau, Ikuto and Tadase (kawaii!), and the climactic [semi] end to the Daiya arc! This episode ends the same way as chapter 25, which means Amu’s chara-nari with Daiya is postponed till the next one. There were already much chara-naris in this episode (Amu’s chara-nari with Iru and Eru, and the chara-nari of the other Guardians), so it’s okay for them to save that for next time

I realized how much of an effective medium the anime was compared to the manga with this episode, as I found myself becoming close to tears with Amu’s glittering speech near the end

I don’t think I can ever outgrow Ami’s moe-ness *moeee~*

That, and the anime never fails to tickle my funny bones with Ami’s moe moe antics, and the Shugo Chara’s antics and side comments too

This episode was just brilliant. The next episode will be even more awesome, with Amu and Utau teaming-up to fight the horde of X-eggs gone loose! If the anime will follow the manga closely, we might just see Nadeshiko / Nagihiko’s return in the next episode (it will just be a brief glimpse of him, if ever)

And just for some random LOLs:

The Guardians, Defender of Justice, arrives in the scene to stop the evulll plans of Easter! with extra lighting effects too…!

…proudly brought to you by Amu’s Shugo Charas, who laments on their current lame work as special effects assistants lol.

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Despite my long KnS-silence, I still kept myself updated with the series behind-the-blogging-scene (among the rare few KnS fans out there in the English-speaking blogosphere too). I read chapter 9 of the manga about 5 months back, then I no longer heard of any updates, until recently. Chapter 10 came out in the April 2008 issue of Dragon Age (and I only got to read it last month), much to my surprise that it marks the end of both the Misao arc, and the entire KnS manga too My hopes to see the Ignition novels in its manga form has been crushed. ;___;

But oh well, no use moping about it now. Perhaps the mangaka also found the succeeding arcs to be a trainwreck, and decided that ending the manga with the novel’s best arc would be best.

the “inner cover” of the manga, which I nearly missed out on had I not removed the manga’s outer flap

With all that said, here goes this KnS manga post, in memory of this trainwreck yet memorable series. Kazuma x Ayano <3 Quite some time has passed since I first wrote this post and now I have the manga tankoubon of volume 2 in my hands <3 (I still owe the KnS fans out there the novel reviews, I know, sorry for slacking off… this will do for now ^^; )

Take note that my intention with this post is to enlighten existing KnS fans about the manga, so you have to know happened in the Misao arc to fully understand what I’m talking about here. I’ll just be pointing out the differences I found in the manga (compared to the anime and novel), and my overall impression of it. The manga also assumes that you have some KnS knowledge since the manga’s story takes place sometime after the first Kaze no Stigma arc, so if this review will ever convince you to plunge into the KnS world, I suggest checking out the first few episodes of the anime (or read the first volume of the novel), at the very least.

Because I am such an Ayano pimp

I only have one word for the KnS manga: AWESOME <3. I really love it; even the novel author praises the mangaka Nekomiya-sensei, for making it live up to the novel, despite all the changes he did. Aside from its awesome artwork and level of details (which can be seen way back my first post on this), the manga also boasts awesome fight scenes, and more Kazuma x Ayano antics. Nekomiya made Ayano all the more tsundere, yet less annoying and more cute & sweet Kazuma was also made even darker, though still fitting to his image and not OOC.

First, let’s take a look at how the “battle” went between Ayano and Kazuma in episode 6 of the anime where not much of a battle really happened. To refresh your memory, it’s the scene where Ayano challenges Kazuma to a fight, unforgivable as she found it to be that Kazuma let Misao escape on purpose, defending a supposedly criminal.

Compare this “fight scene”:

with this:

…not even worth comparing right? The anime sticks closely to the novel for this one. Props to the manga for daring to change this portion of the story, showing us a semi-berserk Kazuma as early as this arc.

For fun here goes more piccies from this battle, featuring the grim Kazuma and Ayano at the brink of death.

After the horror of this life-and-death situation, it’s but natural for Ayano to fear Kazuma, moreso fighting against him yet again.

In the end, Ayano remembers how she vowed to use her power to protect the people she treasures, and gains the courage to face Kazuma, dragging along Ren with her this time

“By this scar, I swear to defeat you!”

As Ayano and Kazuma comes face to face in battle, she gives this GAR speech which both Kazuma and Ren weren’t able to take seriously lol.

Unlike the anime (we’re now covering episode 7), there was no fancy “Flying from the Moon” entrace for Kazuma in the manga (same with the novel), hence the Kazuma x Ayano confrontation went a little different as well. There was no “Ayano ends up in Kazuma’s arms” scene, but still, I liked the manga’s rendition better. I’m a sucker for pretty pics, so sue me. I also liked the additional Kazuma teases featured throughout this chapter. And… the SD Ren is <3!! X3

As I’ve mentioned in a previous deep frying post for episode 7, there was supposedly [yet another] fight between Ayano and Kazuma after the Ren barrier scene (lol), and again, the manga made it EPIC WIN.

After this, Kazuma starts his countdown, awaiting the “happenings” between Misao and the Kannagis who were out to get her. They hear an explosion and heads to where it came from, only to find Misao who already slaughtered his father and some of his henchmen.

The details about Michael Harley’s brainwashing of Misao, which were left out by the anime, were also discussed in the manga. Michael knew well that there was no way the kind and gentle Misao could kill anyone for the sake of revenge, and hence he sort of sealed away that “gentleness” aspect of her temporarily, through hypnotism perhaps. That explains how he managed to turn her into Dark Misao.

Ayano’s sympathy for Misao, and her questioning as to whether Misao would be better off dying now that everything was taken away from her, which were in the novel (details of which I also mentioned in my deep frying), remained intact and beautifully expressed in its manga form.

The succeeding battles, Ayano fighting against the Vritra like a war machine ready to die in battle, and the final tag-team EPIC battle, were all great as well.

And to highlight one of my ultimate favorite Kazuma x Ayano scene(s) in the entire KnS (the HUG scene), which started out with Kazuma saving Ayano’s ass from her reckless fight, leading to this really sweet antic between the two lovebirds

With Kazuma and Ayano’s powers combined, they form one of the coolest couple tag-team EVER, and defeat Vritra with the power of love.

All’s well that ends well, as Misao gains a renewed sense of living, thanks to Kazuma.

Days after the incident, Kazuma and Ayano visit Misao, who surprises them with her decision to become a priest(ess). Kazuma also reveals why he wanted to save Misao so much, which was rooted to his scarred childhood past and how Misao helped him out once. The manga showed that Ayano understood full well what Kazuma felt, how he could be so thankful to Misao for that single act of kindness, which gave a glimmer of hope to his contemptuous life.

Before bidding goodbye to Misao, Ayano gives Misao some hard slapping, her unique gesture of cheering up Misao, which at the same time signifying her “challenge” of not losing to her (against Kazuma, most likely x3)

Kazuma and Ayano walks off, and Ayano becomes all deredere as she tells Kazuma that she would’ve done the same thing Misao did, if she was present during the time when he was bullied.

Ayano was certainly brought in a better light by the manga, as they showed her to be more mature, and not the annoying dense little girl she was in the anime.

So, to all Kaze no Stigma fans, as well as haters, even if the anime was a trainwreck I still suggest you go check out this manga. It ends with the BEST ARC, and retains the elements which made KnS such a memorable series.

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At long last, a Shugo Chara post. Casualties of this post includes some burnt chocolates I was melting for my choco flakes. So please be appreciative of this or else I’ll throw those poop-looking burnt chocolates on your face. oh and I owe a big thanks to lysabelle for allowing me to use her scans m(_ _)m

From where the previous chapter left off, Utau’s Ikuto-radar leads her to Amu’s place, though her suspicion quickly wanes as she convinces herself that she’s just being paranoid as usual *whew*. Thanks to that, Amu didn’t have to do anything to deceive the unsuspecting Utau. Instead of fretting over Ikuto, Utau drags Amu out to lunch to a nearby ramen shop, where they have some girl to girl talk. Utau confides how she’s been searching for Ikuto with no luck (he was right under her nose but she dismissed the possibility of him being in Amu’s house :P).

Leaving Easter has left Utau in a rougher road in her singing career now, but Utau doesn’t seem to mind this at all. She has found true joy in singing, so even small gigs are enough to make her happy. Amu even praises Utau for her new song, which she finds to be loads better than her previous works, and reveals how she’s become a huge Utau fan after this. Tsundere Utau could simply blush at Amu’s flattery. They really have become good friends now X3

Meanwhile, back in the Easter, we find out that Ikuto’s precious violin was used as guinea pig for one of their evil planz. They filled it with the power of X-eggs (hence the repulsion Ikuto feels when he opens the violin case), which makes it a useful X-egg harvesting tool, once Ikuto plays it. The violin was supposedly under development when Ikuto stole it, but his stepfather was left with no choice but to get on with their evil plan earlier than expected, and use the violin to completely take control of Ikuto like a helpless pawn of the Easter. Oh noes! D:

Utau and Amu continue on with their little chit-chat, and this time around, Utau confides about her and Ikuto’s past. Utau and Ikuto’s father was a genius violinist by the name of Aruto Tsukiyomi, who fell in love with Souko Hoshina, their mother, and also the only daughter of the Easter Founder Hoshina clan. Despite their father’s inherent talents, this wasn’t enough of a criteria for the Hoshinas who was concerned with wealth and fame like most rich bostad families, and hence their father and mother’s relationship was not approved of. But still, they got married, under one condition: Aruto was to quit violin and take over Easter. But Aruto’s love for violin was so great that he wasn’t able to abide by this promise. On the day the previous Easter president died, their father left their house together with his violin, leaving Utau and Ikuto alone with their mother.

Their mom managed to raise them alone, but still she continued on hoping for his husband’s return. Until finally, Aruto’s violin was found in some foreign land, years after. Their mom lost all hopes of him coming back after that, and married off another man (their current stepfather), the bastard who let them work their arses off for Easter, as retribution for the crime of their dad. Amu couldn’t believe that the Easter would do this to them, knowing well that the crime of their father shouldn’t have anything to do with them. Utau enlightens Amu of how the cruel world works, those in power can do anything they want, and powerless could do nothing against them.

This is why Utau longed for the power of the Embryo, to save Ikuto from this cruel fate. But after everything that has happened, Utau has finally come to accept that she’s not as strong as she thought she was, all thanks to Amu (Amu reacts in surprise with a “USOODAAA”, but Utau just tells her to shut up and listen to her lolz). Utau finds Amu annoying, but acknowledges the power that she was. According to her, Amu has this strange power with which she gets to save just about everyone around her, and it’s for this reason that she’s now entrusting Ikuto to Amu (though the way she said it was really indirect and all poser-tsuntsun :P)

Just when every scene up until this point seemed all about Amuto, Tadase (and Kuukai) just had to ruin it all. Thanks to this, we see Amu dazing off in her usual Tadase-dreamy mode, and Kuukai even does them a favor by challenging Utau to a ramen-eating contest so that Amu and Tadase can have some quality time together T__T Tadase once again confesses his love to Amu, to which he isn’t expecting a reply anytime soon. Just having his feelings “accepted” is just enough, he says, and continues on telling Amu that he’ll do her best from hereon, to make her love him back. Tadase AGAIN tells Amu how much he likes for her like three times in a row, and Amu’s raburabu-meter was obviously close to going berserk. Thanks to some nearby X-egg gathering fest disturbance which Tadase suspects to be caused by some violin sound, their raburabu scene was interrupted *whew*

Tadase’s expression changes to that of anger, the moment he witnesses this, and tells himself that he won’t forgive Ikuto if he’s the one behind all this. Amu could just wonder what’s the real score between Ikuto and Tadase, and why gets so worked up when it comes to matters regarding Ikuto.

Amu hurries back home to check on Ikuto, and breathes a sigh of relief when she sees him dozing off in her bedroom. Unknown to Amu, Ikuto was already being lured by the Easter. When nighttime came, Ikuto was turned into a lifeless zombie by the Easter (and the violin), transforming into this evil Pied Pier, who gathers a horde of X-eggs as ordered by his “master”. Tadase, who was already suspicious of Ikuto right from the start, and comes face-to-face with the possessed perpetrator.

Additional Thoughts

Poor Ikuto… poor Utau-chan too, but then she already broke free from the Easter whilst Ikuto still hasn’t =/ I wonder if Ikuto’s father is still alive, he might just come back in the later chapters, and we’ll be able to see a great reunion between Ikuto and his dad. I do admire both Ikuto and Utau for not bearing any hatred against their father, Ikuto even loves him soo much despite not having much memories of him (and Ikuto still hasn’t said much about his fond memories with this father either, if any). But rawr, my hatred for the evil Easter has gone up with this chapter… look what they did to poor Ikuto!! I just hope Amu will come back in the next chapter and make Ikuto return to his normal self! (A kiss is fine too *imagines scene in InuYasha movie 2*)

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