This post is just as random as how I got to read the book “Rilke’s Letters to a Young Poet”, which became my source of inspiration for this. And in case you’re wondering, I didn’t type this under the summer sun. I had this post scheduled ^^;

Most of my life I’ve been struggling with a superiority-inferiority complex, and despite how many times I convince myself that I should be proud of myself, take pride in my abilities and what God has endowed me, I was never fully at peace, and that inferior angsty attention-seeker persona of mine would always creep in no matter what. At one point I’d think that I’m so good like I can rule the world! But then at times just a simple criticism is enough to crush my pride as though it was simply founded in sand. That’s how shaky it was.

It happens in most of my endeavors, be it in school, at work (though I’d have to be thankful that the environment in my office fosters camaraderie, teamwork, and love, not competition and such), and also blogging. After a year of blogging, and having realized that episodic summaries is not my thing, I remain a lost little sheep who hasn’t fully come into terms with the reason why she’s writing in the first place. Not being able to make it into 9rules made me all angsty and sulky as well.

I’m not sure if I shared this before, but one of the reasons why I started out blogging is to seek attention, to serve as an ego-booster to this inferior self of mine. I measured my worth as a blogger in terms of hits and comments, hence I resorted to shameless pimping way back the early days. I got steady hits because of being a pimp, and I somewhat spoiled myself into thinking that I NEED these hits/comments.

Another one of my biggest blogging booboos is comparing myself with other more established blogs, wondered how they are able to gather all those hits and comments, why my blog remained unnoticed by other people and such. When hits and comments come in, I’d be on cloud nine, but when they don’t, I’d sulk like an immature child who got robbed of her lollipop. I viewed these hits and comments to be a “requirement” or measure of my posts, I was looking for extrinsic forces to affirm my worth as a blogger.

From my previous meta-blogging posts, it would seem as if I already got over this dilemma, when I actually haven’t. I know I’ve preached about blogging for fun, not caring about hits and comments, and all that, and I’m sorry for being such a poser. It seemed as if I believed in someone who believes in me, yet pretentiously so. It’s not until recently that I came into terms with all this, after reading the enlightening book “Rilke’s Letters to a Young Poet”, which my good friend/officemate Dean lent me (out of sheer randomness XD).

In the book wrote Rilke’s letters to an aspiring young poet by the name of Franz Xaver Kappus, who sought his advice in the hopes of finding enlightenment to the questions plaguing him. Through their correspondence, I saw myself in the confused young Kappus, who was wandering in the path of being an artist. While I’m not aspiring to become a poet and dedicate my life to being an artist like Kappus probably was, I found his concern regarding why he’s writing to mirror that of my own. How he was searching for answers and affirmation from extrinsic forces, when the answer lies deep within him.

The first letter of Rilke was enough to pierce through the depths of my being, which, although supposedly addressed to Kappus, might as well serve as that voice of epiphany people like me have been searching for.

“You ask whether your verses are any good. You ask me. You have asked others before this. You send them to magazines. You compare them with other poems, and you are upset when certain editors reject your work. Now (since you have said you want my advice) I beg you to stop doing that sort of thing. You are looking outside, and that is what you should most avoid right now. No one can advise or help you – no one. There is only one thing you should do. Go into yourself. Find out the reason that commands you to write; see whether it has spread its roots into the very depths of your heart; confess to yourself whether you would have to die if you were forbidden to write. This most of all: ask yourself in the most silent hour of your night: must I write? Dig into yourself for a deep answer. And if this answer rings out in assent, if you meet this solemn question with a strong, simple “I must,” then build your life in accordance with this necessity;

And if out of this turning-within, out of this immersion in your own world, poems come, then you will not think of asking anyone whether they are good or not. Nor will you try to interest magazines in these works: for you will see them as your dear natural possession, a piece of your life, a voice from it.”

…says Rilke in his first letter. That was all it took to make me bow down on my knees and repent from what I’ve been doing. The moment I read these lines, Rilke’s [silent] voice resounded in my head, and will forever serve as a constant reminder of what a right blogging mindset should be, to find joy in writing, without expecting external rewards (aka hits, comments, fame, etc).

All these months I’ve been consumed by the desire to have more hits and comments, and in the process, I forgot the joy of reaching out to people, the happiness in just being able to impart all these thoughts and experiences to others. This felt like one of those turning points in movies where the zero-to-hero-transformed protagonist comes to realize how this power is consuming him, making him lose track of what’s supposedly important, and then changes for the better, to become a REAL superhero or something lol.

Ironically enough, I think the moment you stop thinking of all the hits and comments, and focus on writing for fun, people will eventually flock to your blog. It’ll just happen even without you thinking so much about it (though of course you’d still have to do a little extra effort if you really want to be noticed, participate in the blogosphere in particular)! By not expecting all these external rewards, you’ll treat them like an added bonus to the joy you’re already feeling by simply writing, and that will all the more make you appreciate these hits/comments.

Blogging can be considered analogous to real-life relationships in this sense. In order to gain [true] friends and get along with other people, what you need to do, aside from having a sane mind and a good grasp of social etiquettes / good manners, is stay true to yourself, show who you are to people (with a good grasp of manners of courtesy, you’d know how far you can go in showing who you are). At times, you’d have to make that extra effort to initiate the friendship, but don’t expect that they pamper you with attention, just interact with them naturally. Eventually, you’ll find yourself blending in, naturally as well.

And of course, for a relationship to be nurtured and become healthy, the people involved should have a good grasp of their identity and be able to realize their value and worth as people. Nothing can ruin a relationship more than jealousy and lack of trust, which more often than not, stems from these feelings of inferiority. Believe in yourself, be confident while maintaining humility, carry on these values in blogging.

So if you ask me now, why am I blogging? It’s because I view it as an extension of my soul, the part of me that screams and tries to reach out to people, something I’m usually unable to do in the casual chances of my life. The blog serves as an outlet of my feelings, my passion, and just about everything otaku about myself. While hits and comments serve as good indicators of my “reach”, the absence of these should never be a reason for me to undermine my worth.

Thank you Lord.

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1. Life Goes On… with Honey and Clover

So my computer suddenly went all tsuntsun and kept on restarting. I thought it just needed a little rest so I turned it off for a little while, about two hours, but alas, the problem still persisted. I suspected there was something wrong with my power supply, but thankfully, it was simply an MS OS crap error which I wasn’t able to find out because I can’t even enter Windows to diagnose the problem. I had to reinstall Windows and other programs I need again though, due to not relying on the power of Ghosts. So there, goodbye wasted hours for download, on the busiest day of the week. I still have to download KimiKiss, Persona, Shigofumi, True Tears and KimiAru! sigh… >_< In times like this I really wish I had a faster broadband... =__=

If this happens again, I think I'm really gonna go Linux, particularly Ubuntu, where I can have a sip of WinE instead of dealing with a crappy OS, and feel the power of Compiz Fusion.

*end of rant*

I was saving this post for later, but since I am still pre-occupied with other concerns at the moment, I guess it won’t hurt to opt for this instead :3

teaser pic, for less casualties.

The title should be enough hint that this has something to do with another ab(d)onimable man I posted about the other day. Curious to see the entirety of the picture? Then read on.

WARNING: Do not proceed if you don’t want your image of the GAR Kazuma to be tarnished

And the moment of unveilment…!

Honestly, I don’t know what gotten into the illustrator (Hanamaru Nanto) when he drew this… o__O

The GAR Kazuma has now become… GAY. D:

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“I am telling you now, this won’t be pretty… meow~”

Impz, I didn’t want to do this… But you summoned your horde of trap-loving followers to eat me.

This is retaliation…

I warned you, didn’t I? All these lovely pictures were taken from Danbooru! Cheers!

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Here’s the Fullmetal Alchemist gang sporting their Halloween duds. Look at Mustang and Hawkeye jumping straight right in into the trick or treating mood. Spot Gluttony in the picture!

The post title is a reference to the 1997 horror film entitled The Devil’s Advocate starring Al Pacino, Keanu Reeves, and Charlize Theron. This illustration was taken from the FMA 2006 calendar by Hiromu Arakawa, creator of FMA.

Thanks to Graceful Lament for the image!

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Let the darkness hold you…

If Darkness is as hawt as Dark of DN Angel, then why the hell not!

Another Halloween-themed image for your viewing pleasure. This was done by Yukiru Sugisaki, the mangaka of D.N. Angel from the artbook Feder featuring Dark Mousy and Daisuke Niwa. Thanks to Aethereality for the image. I slightly edited this, just to get a more eery look out of it. Just click on the picture to get the full resolution.

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Does anyone know who or what Konta is trying to dress as? Click the image for a higher resolution of the picture.

Thanks to vita of moe.imouto.org for the original scan!

[Update]

Thanks to zajuji for pointing out that Konata is dressing up as Kaibutsu-kun. A few seconds with Google and I got a picture for comparison

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Continuing our Halloween specials for the month of November are the beauties from Kyou Kara Maou: Wolfram, the killer blond whom guys abandon their manhood for; Yuri, the young demon king; and Conrad, who makes fangirls squeal please suck my vladdd~

There were taken from Portraits of a Demon King, an excellent resource for Kyou Kara Maou scans and images! I got scangasm browsing the site :p

Click the pictures to get the bigger resolutions. These were special Halloween illustrations by Temari Matsumoto, the official artist for the manga and novel publications of KKM.

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Here’s Hagu and the gang joining on the Halloween fun!

Keep your eyes peeled for more trick-or-treat eye candies from some of your favorite series’!

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To soothe us from the scorching heat of the summer sun are Tifa Lockheart and Aeris Gainsborough, from one of the best RPG games ever made, Final Fantasy VII. Both are a vision in their yukata, a Japanese garment worn during the summers.

This is the second time that Tifa and Aeris have graced Alternative Universe. In the first as deities, they were equally as stunning.

The high-resolution, original scan can be found here. Thanks to Ivy Tran, owner of Aethereality Gallery for the image!

Art by Yubinbasya from Doujinshi Stationery Collection 2.

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Meet two of our young flame wielders from the Kannagi Clan of Kaze no Stigma. Ayano looking cooler than usual and not in her hot-tempered mode, with Ren looking more mature for his age and not in his usual cutesy look. That, and the change of costumes in this pic are more than enough to think of this as an “Alternative Universe”. Ayano, especially, looks as if she’s an Amazon who came from some oriental action movie, whose costume is somewhere in the line of Yuna of FFX’s. Ren on the other hand, seems to have been ‘possessed’ by Kazuma’s ’spirit’ (they emit the same coolness / manliness ‘vibes’ in this pic)

Now if only Kaze no Stigma was animated by _INSERT_OTHER_STUDIO_HERE_, then perhaps there’s more chance to see something like this translated into its animation counterpart. Sadly, that’s not the case, so just feast your eyes on this image :p

(This was taken from the February 2007 issue of Dragon Magazine, whose scanner is unknown >< Nevertheless, I spent quite some time putting the two-page spread together, so please ask permission from us first before using them :) )

Now, for a more ‘playful’ pic, read on to see

Ayano and Ren, looking more like ‘their age’ this time.
(I also want a plushie Kazuma! and Ren’s as well)

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